Farewell, Yo. Go!

(If I ever have to post this (It seems like in all likelihood, I’ll be putting this up shortly), let it be known that this is one post I never hoped to write. Certainly not so soon!)

For the first time in my life, I write a blogpost with a heavy heart. I have written often when I have been sad, hurt, angry, crying, cribbing, complaining etc, but for the first time, I am writing in a sense of chronicling (distant) happy memories, just to sum them up in a reluctant ‘goodbye’. This post marks the end of an era; a break in a wonderful journey. This post should, in effect, call the end of this blog. A closure. Simply coz the concept with which it had been initiated, has reached a dead-end:

Dear readers of the blog, you might recall that this blog was meant to chronicle the Misadventures of three Creatures (Gannas) in the place they were destined to be together for some time, The Ganna-land. And today, one-third of their number officially leaves the Gannaland. In other words, he has quit. Given in his papers. Resigned. Or call what you like it! Ganna Gang Member# 2, Yo!, urf Samkit is GONE. Even though he earnestly points out that he should not be chucked out of the Gang solely on this ground (against my accusation of treachery, and of being a traitor, he quotes ME to argue his case for continued membership: “You have to be a Ganna Inside”. Location, affiliation etc was never a criterion, he claims. And damn it, yo! I hate it when you use all my dialogues to counter me.

So anyway, Meggs, you hated my rants about this Ganna Land stuff, right? Well, good news: the story ends here. Bad News: I am not too happy. And THIS is my not-too-happy face :-(

[Oh by the way, Yo, I am just reminded of this one silly thing I keep forgetting about. I have this odd piece of metal in my office bag (yeah!). It got ripped off your bag once when we were rushing out of the SPN station at 3: 50 at night; Someone from the group thought it was mine and handed it over to me in the rush of things. Sleepily (With you guyz around, I never even bothered to stay awake at that hour, let alone conscious!, barely opening my eyelids to follow the direction of your footsteps…) Dutifully, I stuffed it inside the side pocket of my backpack. In the same sleepy-state, I remember seeing you pass by me and sincerely mumbling something about that metal piece being from your bag instead (seriously, Yo! How chindi can you get :P ). I made a mental note of it; Since I was too lazy to fish back into the bag, I thought I’ll give it to you later. And I forgot about it, until we returned to Delhi. I made a mental note of returning it to you the next time ( the concern with which you had expressed your proprietary rights over it, made it seem like it was some precious object- perhaps the bag had some sentimental value or something ( though, knowing you, its monetary value seems more likely to get your emotions roused! ;) ) And after that, everytime, we were to travel together, I’d put it in my bag, and forget about it when I met you! I carried it to office often (in my office bag) and never, for once, got a chance to return it. Every weekend, when I chucked out all the garbage from my office bag, it would tumble out- ugly and unwanted piece of garbage, and I couldn’t throw it away ( “oye.. shayad woh piece mere bag ka tha” – that emotion laden dialogue from my half-sleep memory kicked in a guilty feeling!) I would put it back in (‘next time..!’) and as you are well aware, the metal piece never got returned! Now that almost 4 plus months have passed!! – I was reminded of it again today (coz of this going-down-the-memory-lane-exercise?)

And now, it just seems ironic. Like this is the token of farewell, that I was *meant* to hand over to you, as the Founder and Chief of the Gang that was. (Okay, correction: The Gang IS. Present tense. And future tense. Amen)]

I guess I just want to tell Yo(u), (since you always had complaints about my poor ‘catching-up- on-telephone’ skills and I admit, I suck at keeping in touch. And make no assurance of improving any sooner :P ), that no matter how many years pass, no matter how many gangs/ gangsters I end up establishing ;) , the Ganna Gang will always remain really special. The memories are just too good. And by the way, that sentiment should count more than the number of phone calls etc ( by the way, the rest of you should also make a note of this- I think the u-don’t-ping, u-don’t-call, u-don’t-sing accusations hurled against me are very unfair. I am just a slow worker, poor at managing my time and multiple things. And I am a bit lazy, yeah. So what, I care and I am there, is anyday better than I ping/I call. Right?

Snapshots of memories I’ll always remember

• Those fun ( conversation rich) walks post-dinner, when the three of us took numerous rounds of those lanes in the plant colony, under the brilliantly bejeweled countryside sky, in the pure, fresh air-the beauty of which only I could appreciate; and whenever I did, an already-on-high-voltage, SIR (wary of the potential unit-posting ) would burst out at me, “Nai chahiye pollution free air.. I WANT the pollution.. I want Delhi”. And how an innocent me would gulp in fear, and walk over to your side (by now we would have both distanced from sir, at least 7 feet :P )

And, how we dodged your self appointed Buddy aka BUD, the mast-hai-mast-hai-mast-hai dude (okay! Noww I hope you now feel guilty about calling him what you used to, remember!!), the Share-market obsessed freaks ( oh, you were not there that night they caught sir and me for our expert opinions – IMAGINE, ME! I might as well have recited the Japanese National Anthem for them!! – Did I tell you, I had to fake a phone call, and help us escape from them- Sir was too busy flashing fake smiles and maintaining his place in their good books ( yes sir, admit it :D ) !)

• Those arbit (initially scary) bouts of “Yo, baiibee!!!”. Seriously Yo, We could never understand the inspiration or logic behind those emotional outbursts. My own conclusion is that it is your mechanism to deal with excessive stress/ anticipated happiness. Like Sir’s usage of ‘AWESOME!!’ – said loudly, enthusiastically, and with the broadest grin humanly possible- even if he has to simply describe a fly wheezing by. Nonetheless, both Sir and I liked you better in the Yo! Mood. May you never lose that :-)
• Ha ha ha .. this one.. Oh My God.

[Scene: HR Office at Gannaland. All three of us chatting with the Deputy. Mgr, HR ]

Suddenly Some trainee girl behind Sir, calls out to him, “Excuse Me! That’s MINE!” All our heads turn to Sir- to find out as to, on what object precisely (located on Sir) was she claiming ownership to. And Lo, and behold! A pink hanky (pink tha na?) on his shoulder – draped proudly, like a gamcha. Pink Hanky! While everybody ( Dy. Mgr HR, and other officers , other trainee girls) looked Zapped with why-and-how-did-he-do-this?, Sir, completely taken aback by this discovery himself, gives a panic reaction: ‘Arrey arrey, what is this… yeh kaha se aaya’ (sir.. wohi toh hum sab poochna chah rahe the ;) ) … and while the rest of us roared with laughter ( A highly dumb Me having noticed the hanky on his shoulder 2 minutes back already, I was wondering .. ooooh, so he did not know it was there!.. I now saw Yo, laughing, winking an ‘I –did-it’ look).

Sir of course (genius as ever) , hypothesized a cover-up story- on what MUST have transpired.. a whole story of how it must have been kept on his helmet, and while he was wearing the helmet, traveled to his shoulder..and blah blah blah!! Kudos, sir. Good job of spinning a yarn (Though, some random girl (and her random friends) in Ajoobapur will always remember you as the suited-booted jerk, who didn’t know better than to steal stranger girls’ hankies!)

Kudos, Yo! That scene till date brings tears in my eyes. Happy tears of course :D

· Ragging Sir. Oooh I’ll miss that. Only you could have responded with “she toh always had a soft corner for sir”, the minute I told you about K’s dhamakedaar news wali update call to him (In an otherwise serious context) :D And oh, picking on all his Soo-gar talks, and oh, “UP Yo! hain” instead of “AAP Yo! hain”

· Nobody has ever kicked me out of the room the way you did after our snack-parties every evening. (though a dear pseudo-roommate at IMI did often threaten to throw me out of the window in my sleeping bag, but it was never quite the same thing) And I’ll never forget the lengths to which you would go, to ensure my exit. :D

· Moving from one confusing machine to another inside the plant (All looking like huge sized metal jars with lids and pipings, and weird coiling – identical in every respect, except the name (and of course the detailed structure). While the engineer-in-charge of teaching us, spoke in Latin so fast that by the time I was on ... “achcha.. ise vertical crystallizer kehte hain..” .. Sir and he would be engaged in a deep discussion on how and why the contents flow from this-coil-to-that-coil and not from that-coil-to-this-coil. Thanks for telling me that you looked at me just for reassurance by the sad look on my face, that you were not the only kid on the back bench, in the tiny class. I was a co-back bencher with you, or even a bench behind you! [of course moving over to financial classes, I became the lone back bencher]

· Oh and thanks for having the same chintu-mintu-fresher types mental make-up, as I do. You know what I mean: Some random person talks to us thoda sa pyar se, and we will be ready to clean the vertical crystallizer for him ;) , some of the smallest, most insignificant things that we would pick up on ( and even be motivated by!), given our small understanding and world-view.

· The Lost habit of beginning a phone convo with “Hello”. I am now used to a very dramatic, sing-song, “Kyaa kehna chahenge aap!”

· Boarding a train from U.P at arnd 2 at night, seating ourselves (in a totally India-tv-cum-aap-ajoobabur se-hain mode) .. before a horrified couple, whose curiosity was piqued, upon seeing our loud enthusiastic style and conversation at that hour, to ask us. “Erm.. Are you guyz from Star News?”. Yo, replied with a straight face, “Nahi, India TV se”. And I am sure they got off the train the next morning, having believed that to be true!

· Remember that mean aunty on train who wouldn’t let us talk late into the night. (“Please yahan pe sone denge aap”, she suddenly shouted into the dark space)- which er.. of course saw Sourav fleeing in fright to his distant seat in the next cabin. Thanks for exchanging those she-is-such-a-loser looks, when the next morning, she and her uncool kid were both playing wannabe- and trying to butt their noses into our group’s fun conversations.

Okay, this helped chronicle some of the things off-the-mind. Though of course, nothing can capture the entire phenomenon that Gannaland was/ is and will be. And I wish I had a better reason/occasion to make this record, than as a farewell note.

Some other memories... maybe I’ll deal with them, when we need to bid a farewell to Sir (:-( , already)

Somehow, “keeping in touch” is never the same thing as “being in touch”. Being in the same school, college, field, career etc etc – interweaves lives, stories such that whenever you update someone from your context, about something, they know- in a line, the history and implications of what it means. Being out-of-context just changes things that way. Say for instance, I was sharing a story of my goof-up at work (mixing up the names of my vendor and corporate HR Head in a circulated draft of Minutes AND again, in a mail) – while my 2-plus-month-old roomie sent across her enthusiastic reaction (having read the story only over mail), Arps here (my f.r.i.e.n.d since class-what? Having seen me through what-not).. failed to appreciate the precise tragicomedy in the situation. Coz she really did not UNDERSTAND what was the big deal about it! Anyhow, I guess the show must go on.

As my tradition goes, I shall update this story with the profiles of the two protagonists ( my testimonials for them).

Ganna Gang Member#1: I wil mk dis really short agnst my avg of 3-piece testimonials .. cz if I realy get going abt my G.G folks .. Orkut will probably ban me for blatant violation of d wrd limit prescribed here!.. Aap SIR hain, aur aap bahut hi ‘awesome’ prani hain! (awesome with ALL those expressions) .. Aap have Woh-ked with NTPC 4 3 years, but l8er aap (wat faff ws that.. aah!) ‘further studies’ ke liye IIFT join kiye ..aur aaj aap SOO-gar mein as a Finished Product kuch Raw Material types chintu-mintu freshers ke saath hain… Aapko sab pyar se Shomo, galti se ‘Soum-yaa’ aurr dar se, SIR Bulate hain … aapka sense of humor itna awesome hain, ki kuch chintu-type raw materials toh aapki shakal pe suppressed laughter dekhte hi Bhare conference hall mein out-of-control laughter ke fit mein aa jate hain..Aap ek tuchch fresher ke haathon racism ke shikar hain(how tuchch we are, u hv indicated enuff no. of times sir- explicitly or implicitly!) ..n d adoptive son of a famous guard @Ajoobapur…

SHOMO-deep=1 brilliant package of evrything-frm baffling clarity in thought process, 2 d knack of dealing with people of all shades with comfortable smartnes and dignity, from well measured, abundant ideas,opinions and solutions, to countless jokes/sutble humor-notings. His enterprising spirit, meticulous thinking & implementation, honest, secure and dignified approach with evrybody,n infectious energy tht effortlessly mixes work wid play,r inspiring as well as rewarding 4 every1 arnd. Agn, 1 of d best ppl I hv known in al my life.Sir,I am a fan!Han..dimag thoda kamzor hai, isiliye MBA karne mein humse zyada time lag gaya (n tht 2, he got thru NTPC quota in IIFT..bt nvm! ..Cheers 4 always accompanying me in catching d right humor in every situation..n YO’s UN-yo-ification sessions..Thx 4 al those countless times when u guyz wre arnd 2 mk things much more b’ful than they wud hv otherwise been! I do feel proud n fortunate 2 hv begun my professional life wid colleagues like u..cheers n God Bless

Ganna Gang Member# 2: ‘Yo!’. wil mk dis really short agnst my avg of 3-piece testimonials .. cz if I realy get going abt my G.G folks ..Orkut wil probably ban me 4 blatant violation of d wrd limit prescribed here! Altho his value addn 2 the grp in terms of jokes is d least, 1ce in a blue moon, v do see sum sparks of brilliance.. (m particularly happy with d fun coordination wid wich we take Sir’s Case, on his SIR-ness!: D)..Frm gracefuly kickin me outa d room evry evening aftr our snack-party, 2 organizing on-d-spot ‘MT-meets’ in random corners of d ofice, 2 healthy debates (‘Sir aap sahi bol rhe ho.. tu bhi sahi bol rahi hai…lekin!’), 2 the zillion codenames, 2 his LOL prank- putin a paraya-female-hanky-on-Sir’s-shoulder .. all d memories wil last beyond dis lifetime for me… Ap SH hain..Aap ‘yo!’ bhi hain, aur ‘woh’ bhi hain .. Conscientious, dependable, steady, level-headed, cucumber-cool, mature, sensitive 2 human dignity, wid a fair dose of integrity n sincere optimism/+ve energy..

.Yo inspires trust n frndship. N respect.Ofcors,.thoda bahut dimagh bhi theek thaak types hai. V dun share a single common area of interest,n r like frm diff. pts on d map, yet, smhow v r alwys on a similar mental wavelngth..n thnk god 4 this!His obsession wid numbers/finance 2 is a major pain 4 a quant-averse creature lyk me, but I gues r friends cnt b perfect, na.. u knw wat God is lyk..a li’l bit of this, n a li’l bit of tht rem :P ! n all dis n tht summed, net-net, Samkit is 1 of d best people I hv known in al my life(evn tho we’ve been acquainted 4 barely 3 mths!) May god bless YO(u) , wid al d gud things in life that u desire.Thx 4 al dose countless times when u guyz were arnd 2 mk things much more b’ful than they wud hv otherwise been!I feel proud n fortunate 2 hv begun my professional lyf wid colleagues like u PS: If YOu dun learn 2 write detailed update mails like Sir n me, I wil use my Founder’s Privilege 2 chuck u out of the Gang. Tht mite be my 1st office order frm Loni Cheers!

On a concluding note, wish you a long, prosperous life and career ahead, Yo. May you buy out Ganna Land one day, and hire me as the CEO of the new Soogar Giant in the country. Oho, CEO bole toh Chief Entertainment Officer..re!

PS. Don’t Go na, please! :-(

PS 2. Of course, I posted this quite a few days after I actually wrote it. Want to acknowledge the Rondu urf forever-cribbing-whining-beyond-all-reason kid’s good turn (this one is another colleague from our MT batch- but not a ganna ganger): I was really sad about this whole thing the day Yo officially declared his intended exit, and the Cribber actually stopped cribbing about his screwed-up life and shared some solemn thoughts on the Ganna Gang. Sensing how broken I was, (and realizing for a change, that others too have problems in life.. !) For a change, he actually came up with positive statements like “Ganna Gang Rocks”, “cheer up” and the like :O :O

I mean, I was practically moved! Seriously, so moved I was, and so happy with his behavior, that seeing a clear vacancy in the group, I was tempted to offer him membership instead. Yet, something stopped me. Dunno what. Dunno why.

I guess Yo is right in quoting me: You could be anywhere, anyone, however good or bad, beautiful or ugly, to be a Ganna Gang-er, you simply have to be a Ganna inside- Whatever that means :D And I guess there are only just so many of us.

God Bless..

Cheerios :-)

Whatever-ing :-)

*Posted a day later*
One, I am not too happy with a recent development. (read: not-too-happy means this= X-( ) – updates on the blog soon.
Two, I have got to travel day after tomorrow. And god, I am dreading it. I HATE travel, I loathe it. I cherish my room, my space, my place.. everything, so much, I HATE to be dislocated from it, at all. Even if it’s for just a couple of days. Now that I think about it, the last time (2 weeks back) when I was suddenly asked to pack my bags for some campus recruitments procedure, I fell sick with Gastroenteritis. No! no feigning sickness. I actually *did* fall sick: puking, and all that jazz. But I strongly suspect that it may have been my body’s subconscious defense (avoidance) mechanism- in response to the threat of travel.
But of course I can’t do this dodging all the time. It’s been long since I traveled like crazy- almost a month and a half, and that’s very abnormal for a citizen of the sub(-versive? :P)-world that I have come to inhabit since June.

This time of course, apart from being majorly upset with development no. 1 (referred to, at the outset of this post) and traveling with companions with whom I have little intention of striking a friendly note ( or vice versa), I am not looking forward to enjoying this trip at all. Oh, all but one companion, who is GOOD! (the other two suck bigtime.. and if they had done their homework properly in the first place, we wouldn’t be making this silly trip NOW!)

I can’t even fake polite conversations with them (these people are: a vendor- who bites-off-more-than-he-can-chew, in terms of volumes of business he takes up, and his new –hitherto undisclosed-sidekick).

Sample this dreadful, hypothetical convo:

Sucker Co- Traveler/ Vendor (SCT): So, the train’s running 2 minutes behind schedule, eh? (over-enthusiastic smile that lights up the eye- in a manic sort of way- giving it excessive glint, and no warmth)

Me (sensing that these 2 minutes are going to add somewhere on his excuse-list of why-the-project-is-still-stuck-at-my-end; at my tackiest, driest best.): Yeah, we will skip the Maggi we were planning to eat for breakfast though. That should take care of it.

SCT: Ha ha haa .. haa haa… (his signature act: suck-up-to-the-client-by- ego massaging-their-lowly-sense of humor – works for him, with Senior Momo ;) ) Yeah, that really should take care of it.

Me: Really, SCT? (Having grown pretty cheeky by now, having gotten over the initially inhibitive fact that he is more than twice my age- and thrice my weight). Will we have finished it THIS time? All creases ironed out before we go back? (read: Is it like technically, humanly, scientifically POSSIBLE for you!)

SCT: (suddenly realizing the waste of all his ego-massage laughter-and noticing how the ego of someone like me in the command chain, not even the size of a button- is not even worthy of notice, let alone allotting special care):I don’t see why we should have any problem this time.

Me: Seeing that we can’t afford it anymore, I hope there isn’t. (Throwing a final gauntlet at SCT, in the vain hope of some verbal, non verbal assurance/ commitment of ‘no problemo’ from his side.

SCT:: Let’s Hope!!
(breaking my heart as usual, doing the useless sidey-doc act from-70’s movies, ‘ab inko dawa ki nahi, dua ki zaroorat hai’)
*again, flashing the same extra-enthusiastic grin, minus the warmth of laughter in the eye*

Erm .. I dunno SCT, if people were paid to simply HOPE on their jobs, Indians would die pretty rich. Though, it does look like, so will you. Die rich, I mean.

Cheers to Hope? Not really, Nope!

Good night.

Phew

My life was pretty much okay in the past few days. Things were going fun, fine and just about all right. You know, without any major upheavals or fiascoes or any unsettling developments.
This statement of course counts out two developments – CD’s moving away to Leh in Ladakh (damn you, Mannat! :-( ), and another one (which, will most probably be described in my next post) – as both were anticipated since quite some time now. Today, I called up a friend to ‘catch-up’; I usually reserve my weekends for tasks such as this. It’s a habit I have acquired recently, very recently. And quite unexpectedly, she stoked an issue which I had consciously kept out of my mind since quite some time now. I cannot afford to be candid about the theme of the conversation at all, but it is slightly upsetting, and have to put it down on my space here.
Have you ever been confronted with a situation wherein you have been bombarded with information about a certain person; information that makes you uncomfortable about being in their vicinity, about their close presence/ association with your life? And I am not talking about instances where you FEEL uncomfortable/ dislike the association with the person. But when your mind is fed with a program that runs something like,

Input,
“This person is not good news.”” .and.
“You shouldn’t be sitting here, placing your trust, confidence, goodwill in them”.
If person= good,
Then, Continue
Else, Exit
Endif
End

In effect, all the ‘information’ advices you against trusting/ liking the person, but your own mind, conscious self has no concrete evidence/ facts to support the information. Quite the contrary, you find small traces of reason to trust them, like them, discover that they are not all that bad. To make matters worse, they seem to place trust and confidence in you. In good faith. Bull….!
And since you have little option in terms of choice of being in the particular situation, you sit there, in the same spot.-With the person whose company you are much-advised against. It can be pretty difficult to be faced with a situation where facts before your eyes do not quite support the overwhelming ‘information’, the nature of which is such that you can’t help but be affected.
You sit there, your heart somewhere goading you to keep trust, faith, and yet your mind keeps questioning that faith. Ordinarily, in any other situation, you would have opted out of the context already, just to save yourself from taking any complicated decisions, and messing your handful of grey cells. But when you can’t. When you simply *have* to be a part of the situation, you find yourself in a dilemma: In my opinion, even mistrusting a person’s intent, and presuming guilt, before his being proven guilty, amounts to treachery of some kind. Some kind of betrayal.

So, this friend (guided not by any malicious intent, but emotions, mostly based on experiences- prejudices?- and one sided stories) fed me a whole lot of information (most of which constituted new flavors of the same old bubble-gum), and I found myself thinking about the person all over again. It is just not a comfortable thing- to not like- people, whom you would like to like. Stupid as that sounds, it is true. Being able to place a certain faith and confidence in some key members of your active social life- at least on a basic character-sketch basis, is extremely important for your health and peace.
The first time I had been confronted with this situation, after initial discomfort, I took a call: to treat the ‘hearsay’ as ‘hearsay’, and move on with life. And I did fine with that ( my confidence in the information being mere ‘hearsay’, strengthened with each passing day, as such information stopped reaching my ears) I guess it happens a lot with me, when story-tellers start realizing that their stories do not get a responsive/eager audience in me. By bringing up this issue again today, this friend filled my mind with some tiny trace of doubt (even though I’d like to believe that I *do* champion the funda of ‘Innocent until proven guilty’, and that, prejudice causes 50% of the world’s problems- in small or large scales- I know that I am not untouched by this disease, in some measure) And maybe not even doubt, but with certain degree of distrust, and suspicion.

And the next time I meet this person, I will be troubled inside. I will shift guiltily, and confused- unable to reciprocate their warm note of greeting (outwardly, of course- who knows the inside sentiment- and who really cares!). Perhaps even unable to reciprocate the trust and faith that they repose in me? Or, seem to. It’s not easy.
Lord, if they be pure in heart and intent – and the accusations be false and untrue. (I pray, I pray!), please forgive me.
And if it all be true, if there is some grain of truth- as to the correctness of their intent, save me. Help me move away.

Not-moved-much-by-anything-these-days..
Ron

The Mystery of Mr. Mistry :D :D (Nonsensical Chat again)

Okayy … couldn’t resist :D . Meggs (aka Ramladdoo) and I ended up having a fun chat today, after weeks of boring chatting (Yeah, Meggie .. your *I-eat-lunch-alone* cribbing and *my-email-habits-will-get-me-sacked* stories are not all that entertaining! :P . Anyway, Gotto post this excerpt from our chat today. (She has blogged about the same, here.

Just a background. This PhD guy from MIT, Pranav Mistry is phenomenal (I discovered him today- with his Sixth Sense technology, he is like the Bill Gates of India. And there too, he scores over the latter, due to his sincere belief in the concept of Open Source.

Meggs and I were discussing him and his brilliance at the beginning of the chat). Later, quite randomly, she pings:

RamLaddoo: mere FB par 199 frnds hai.. 200 kara do...

Shruti: u want me to BUY u friends!

why dont u just be ur loser self and send out that "mujhse frandship karoge" msgs to random people

RamLaddoo: did... ppl apparently aren’t into approving tht

:-|

Shruti: hahah.. lol ..

whhyyy ..dont u write that prologue "i am sure a great girl/boy like u gets such msgs all the time ... but before u reject me, here are my usp’s ...” blah blah :P

RamLaddoo: hahaha

tell me more, u orkut stalker u

nahh,,,, this is wot i intend to write

"pls frand me, i want love very much and marriage"

Shruti: even tho i know u are not yet marry-age!

yeah!!

RamLaddoo: :D

hey u remember tht satish's mail

Shruti: hey, send this to pranav on linkedin

he is on linkedin :D :D

RamLaddoo: haha....

is he now!

Shruti: yeahhhhhhh!!

RamLaddoo: is he wedding-ed?

or is he looking for tht special someone to lite his fire

(pukes)

Shruti: dunno ... we cud find out tho...add that query text in the fraandship msg ;)

RamLaddoo: yes...

i saw u in TV

and now u lives in my heart

Shruti: hhahahhaha!!!

and occassionally comes out in my fart!

RamLaddoo: pls let me living ur heart too... and also USA

haha

Shruti: so now i think it's time for us to start!

chuck microsoft ..let's go to walmart!

RamLaddoo: hey come on, u mite like science, bt love is an art

Shruti: and when we are happy, we'll both wheel-cart

RamLaddoo: let u be the board and my love the dart

Shruti: becoze u, oh u .. deary ..u re my only sweetheart!

RamLaddoo: and i dont want us to ever part

Shruti: in am ur cream and u are the tart

hey ... no wonder i can take a pest like u ... coz u can come up with stuff like this!!

RamLaddoo: haha

:P

i wanna make a blog of it

:D

ode to mistry!!!

Shruti: haha ... i will too :D :D ..

sheesh i might have to start another blog, just to record all my interesting chats !

but i don't want u to get too much PR

RamLaddoo: haha.. call it my conversations with my personal God

Shruti: :D

RamLaddoo: m going ahead wid it

the poem as a blog

Shruti: me too me too! ...

RamLaddoo: calling u JMC...

hahaha

cool

Shruti: u'll be my ramladdoo..as usual :D

RamLaddoo: ofc

i ws thinking ronnie for u..

wich do u like betta?

JMC or ronnie or TUTU

Shruti: both! .. i like both

RamLaddoo: i like tutu

Shruti: or troth .. !!

RamLaddoo: i mean dont LIKE like tutu

i like the name eh

Shruti: yeah ..tho that makes me sound like a baby toy .. :P but yeah, i love it too

*chat ends*

Got to give up my real updates soon :)

Until then, Cheerios!

PS. Just to clear the air on Meggs claim on her post that i ''loooww'' her, Nopesies! I just find her tolerable. Not an iota of affection more than that! Get it? you better do. Do be do be do :D :P

Quick Update- thoughts, before I leave again..

I dunno where to start! As usual, the issues I need to discuss/ thoughts I wish to share are too many. And it’s almost four in the morning already. Phew!

Maybe al just mention all in pointers!

1. I love people. Yeah :D

This is the latest theme in my life. Having come across some truly brilliant, interesting, fun, nice and ‘real’ people in the recent past, (not necessarily as close friends) , I have discovered a newfound love for humanity. Yes, a bigtime departure from my line almost a year or so back, when no amount of ‘fun’/’frolic’ etc could evoke the same emotion in me (far from that, as I would constantly note in my blog those days, I had developed a certain dislike for human race. Despise would be a better word! )

Anyhow, I know that lucky as I am, to have discovered some new, really wonderful souls- in the most unexpected of all places, Looney!! (I am not saying am talking about angels here, but yeah good discoveries :-) ), I am not expecting a bed of roses in the times to come; I know that this constant and exaggerated laughter which has now become a way of life with me ( and is sweetly reminiscent of my JMC days :-) ) will not last forever. This is life, come on! You’ve got to have all the spices. Pain, tears, disappointment, etc (Argh, mummy!) all MUST be lingering somewhere around the corner, chuckling in anticipation of grabbing their interesting prey (read: me) in some time.

In fact, I am a firm believer of the following two things in life, among a few others. ( so whenever you hear me stating either of these, don’t just think it’s another platitude, a passing, hackneyed social remark such as “Hmm .. abki baar toh monsoons aayi hi nai. Sab global warming ka asar hai! ”

· Everything in this world happens for a reason. Everything that occurs is a part of larger plan, design of some supernatural (or whatever) force. In other words, some kind of good (as also, bad) will come out of everything that takes place in one’s life. Very rarely is Plan A better than Plan B (even though it may seem so to us), each has its own flipside, and advantages.) Now, that is not to say that one becomes fatalistic and never strives for goals in life! Just that, if despite one’s best efforts, something won’t come one’s way at all the way one would have liked, one should accept it with a positive mind- you never know what God ( or whoever) has in store for you! And I believe in this, not just-like-that, but because in my small and pointless life of 22 years, I have experimented and learnt this much from experience (ahh.. yeah, welcome my Old Dame with graying hair wala avatar :P ) Trust me, acceptance is the first key to the door of happiness, in any situation in life. Else, the cloud of denial, refusal blocks your vision of the silver line, and the sunshine.

· Life is Cyclical. In fact, I will go on to say, that perhaps, Everything in Life follows the fundamental of a cycle. (Once, a learned NASA scientist began this conversation with me, with a harmless question [this was during my CAT days, when an aunt mentioned at the dinner table, about me going back to Math for CAT *sigh*], “So is Zero a Whole No. or a Natural No.?” Me, being the ignorant ganwaar happily replied with the ‘correct’ answer as had been discussed in the coaching class already! Little did I know that I would be getting into a formidable discussion on principles of mathematics, long enough to ruin my desserts. Anyhow, the interesting bit in the entire convo surfaced when he touched upon the subject of cyclicity in nature. How, quite a few things in nature, in terms of timings, structures etc contain the Pi factor (22/7). Ie, display circular tendencies. Say for instance, (just a hypothetical example), the time taken by a set of chromosomes in asexual reproduction, to segregate into two- could have a factor of Pi. If all natural phenomena were to be discovered to follow a similar pattern, (a research that the Gentleman seemed to be keen on pursuing), then the law of cyclicity would be established). This would mean, that the Hindu Vedic Theory of the cyclicity of the Yugas- would be established. According to Hindu cosmology, life in the universe is created, destroyed once every 4.1 to 8.2 billion years)

Wow, I digressed from my original point: I reallllly feel that everything in my life follows a cyclical pattern. ( Guess I am talking mostly about my own life) Bouts of sheer bliss, followed by bouts of unbearable pain/trauma. Normal happiness, routine well-ness, followed by slight disturbances, small upsets.

• Emptiness

A friend and I were discussing the feeling of “Emptiness” the other day (not taking his name here, coz am not sure how comfortable he would be, being mentioned on my blog. Dude, are you reading this :-)?). It began with poetry, me bringing up one of my fav. Poets in real life (Meghna aka Ramladdoo) and my favourite small verse by her:

‘Empty shell
Empty well
Empty is the word I know,
Empty is everywhere I go.
Emptiness,
Empty flesh,
My empty cup,
Empty love
Empty I pray
In the empty day,
And empty night
An emptier life.’

Although I cannot relate to the emotion/ sentiment expressed by the poet at all, I love the simple, lyrical rhythm and the rhymeless beauty in it! However, this person could totally relate with the theme and also went on to explain it, in detail. The exact feeling, the exact situation. And I was asked how come I had never felt the same. This was the first time I thought about it, and yes, hard as I tired, I was surprised to see that I have never felt any feeling that could be termed as “empty”. I have been sad, angry, frustrated, in pain, in fear, bored, confined etc etc but NEVER empty, no!! As I reflected upon it, I then reckoned that it probably has to do with my mental make-up: there is too much noise in me: visual, verbal, mental, graphic! I am NEVER a blank slate. Never. Even when I am not talking, talking talking, I am never QUIET inside. My mind is always on the move, engaged in a parallel universe of its own, full of characters (real or fictional, existent/ non-existent!), with stories, events, dialogues, ideas, feelings; inside my mind, several short movies are being screened one after the other. When I am not engaged in the world outside, I am comfortably engaged inside, in the parallel universe, which is just as interesting, exciting, engaging, sad or whatever, as I want it to be. So much so, that I am often totally cut-off from the world outside, and have to be snapped to attention, very often. (I assume it must reflect in a slightly ‘lost’ look on my face sometimes. Seriously, sometimes, I carry off entire face to face conversations, having registered merely 20% of what is being said!) However, as I thought about it again today. I guessed that I had faced situations/ frame of mind close to “Emptiness” as we discussed it, some years back, but I am not sure if it was the same thing- and anyhow, the memory is now too hazy for me to be sure abt that!

Ohkay, something weird after a loongg time… A conversation late in the day (followed by some idle wandering of the mind, on some developments that otherwise miss my notice) made me think of certain things. Brought back memories, feelings of not all that distant past. As usual, I typed a verse, in the same coded fashion, that provides the best catharsis to my soul :-) I will not mention whom the verse is addressed to- even though they are all well-wishers.

‘I do!’? .. I Don’t!

I have tears, too!

I swear, I do.

Maybe I should have shown you,

Some time, when you were busy assessing my due,

When their needs seemed right, and mine too few.

Maybe I should have sat you down, bared my heart,

Laid out my needs and wishes apart,

Listing out what I did seek,

Was I too quiet? Was I too meek?

But,

I was never sad, you see!

Not pining to share my heart with thee!

I was rather happy with me,

With my wants, and wish and fantasy.

I needed not your paint or brush,

I’m sorry, I did well with my own,

Did I hear their palate crush?

And now you want me to sit and mourn?

But I can’t! I just can’t feel their loss,

Did you ever hear me promise a gain?

But, my pleas, with such ease you cross!-Oh! Is this fair? Is this sane?

You rolled your eyes,

You raised your brow,

You dished out advice,

When I never asked you How!

Hey, I know you cared enough.

And would not want to hurt me so,

But did I look too strong and tough?

To take it all, and let it go!

It hurt, everytime you knowingly smiled,

It was not funny- though ill- contrived.

Every well-meaning chuckle- annoyed,

And you really wanted me to feel buoyed?

At first, it was just awkward, a bit.

And unsettling it grew to be,

Did you not see me avoid your fit?

Did it not matter what became of me?

I wish you could have seen my hurt,

Even though it was pale- in your eyes,

I wish you could have felt my cringe,

While defining my personal paradise!

I often sit and wonder why,

I often marvel at how and how,

did you think my feelings ran dry,

Just coz they weren’t as they’d like them, now!

Should I have shed a tear or two?

Coz I can cry, cry I do.

Only, this was not important enough for me,

To make me think, and weigh, what was to be!

Until you pointed, and publicly opined,

I never knew I’d have to shout my mind.

And I decided to keep mum, instead.

You'd never listen, to anything I said.

...