TOL: Thinking Out Loud

I am on a roll alright. Two posts in a single night! I haven’t done this in a long time now. Have the concentration/energy to do it today: list down a few realizations about myself. Clearly, this is a Thinking Out Loud exercise for the blogger, with little regard for the value add for the reader.

· I get ticked off.

o Off of people, mind you. People I might often choose to adopt into my circle against common “wisdom”, prescription, majority vote or whatever- coz there is always something about them- something unique in character, that draws affection/ respect or whatever from me. I guess most of us do this. This section of people may or may not be your dearest ones, but you count them as folks you happily know. But, over time , I have realized one thing about myself (maybe it’s universal?): While most of the times, It takes a lot of small things for one to ‘approve’ or ‘disapprove’ of someone… sometimes just one small thing they may do or say – might be the turn off. This might be something very minor or unimportant by normal standards, but that “uh –uh” moment/ feeling is enough to change things forever. “Change” may not necessarily mean a permanent SNAP-OFF, but a simple zing-gone-missing. Suddenly, your gut ‘disapproves’ and while relationship may not apparently change much, the warmth goes away. The essence is sapped. I can only guess that the GUT is not whimsical (I strongly believe this) – subconsciously, it studies a lot of facts over time and generates response/ feedback based on calculations. Once the gut gives a tick-off signal, the sentiment, approach- whatever, towards the person, changes forever. Regardless of what transpires later, what evidence or instances of intent contrary to the one displayed earlier, they present you with- the imprint of that one moment of truth, does not fade away. You may forgive, forget and move on, but, you really ‘move on’ – in terms of an emotional distance never to be bridged again. That’s perfectly fine I guess. (I swear by the power/wisdom of the GUT FEEL). Only, one must consciously try to make sure that this does not become a prejudice towards these people, spilling over to unrelated situations, drawing unfair responses from you. I guess.. that’s how I reckon it should work.

· I LOVE MS Office 2007.

o Seriously, I LOVE it. Got it on my laptop again a few days back, and have been gleefully just playing around with it. I LOVE it. Just adore the finish, the functionalities, the look, the feel- everything! Notice I am blogging again- rather passionately. I guess it has more to do with my love for MS Word 2007, than for blogging! MS Office 2007, I missed ya :)

· I sincerely believe in GUT Feel

o Believe you me, the GUT is not about a random, mood-based response. The GUT functions on calculations, logic and wisdom founded in a quick analysis of millions and millions of previous data points. So, while in the short term you might feel that the gut is advising contrary to obvious logic, it ain’t coz it’s stupid and random, but coz it has taken the immediate data point in the context of the millions of previous data points –some of which, your conscious brain may not even have recorded, for the purpose of decision making. Now, I am not saying The Gut is always correct- am just saying that it makes sense too. As for me, I always go by my gut. Yes- it might be wrong, but so can the cold logic based decision. At least doing what my gut tells me, makes me at peace inside.

· I suck at Time Management/ Management

o What can I say- My infamous two years of I – Hate- MBA cribbing had less to do with the faults with an MBA course and more with my issues with the art of Management. Actually, there is just one issue about that: I SUCK at it.

· Sleep

o I *need* to have time to just sleep.. for hours on end. Wake-up, not feel anxious/ guilty about sleeping “excessively” ..and royally, go back to sleeping. Only, I don’t want to deal with realization of the loss of time when I wake up eventually. Wish we could simply hold the hands of the clock for sleep. That would be awesome! I swear by the Holy HP that I truly believe in Sleep as the best form of meditation ( I once remember reading this in an interview with the Dalai Lama in Reader’s Digest, during my class x boards or some… when I was constantly dealing with guilty pangs of over-sleeping. I have respected him ever since!) But then, who can deny it? Sleep is God’s way of talking to us.. who wouldn’t agree? :D

· I have a fear of the sound of a ringing phone

o You probably won’t believe it. I can’t explain it very well myself. But I am SCARED of a phone ringing. Everytime it does ring, I wish it would STOP ringing. Every-single-time! Deep, deep, deep down- I hate telephonic conversations. I would avoid every single one, if I had my way. Only, I am not sure I would survive resultant loneliness and a-socialization to that extent! I am sure there is some kind of psychological explanation for this – some kind of insecurity, complex or something? The ringtone therefore makes me so uncomfortable- whenever I receive a call, my instant response is to first turn off the ringer..take a relief of a few seconds’ silence, and then attend the call.

Matters are further compounded when the phone rings when I am asleep. It kills me- seriously, I could be murdered very cleanly by using this psychological weapon: put me to sleep and keep ringing the phone. I keep crying inside (recoiling in discomfort)- wishing for someone to turn off the ringer, and the phone to never ring again. Thankfully, I am a sound sleeper, and many times, do not even register the sound of my phone ringing. But when I can- Oh Dear God! Help!

There are just 3-4 people in my family, whose calls do not evoke such a psychological response- AT ALL. Among friends, there have been just three: Shruti S. and Arpita during school days (And I’ll have to tick off Arpita too- in the last few months of School :D ) and Mannat- in Grad and till date :-)

Everybody else- Scary!

I would always prefer a face to face communication or SMS-ing (used to be a rather passionate SMS-er) over telecon. Anyday!

· I do not like to venture opinion about anything/anyone unless I truly feel I have studied the concept/ situation/ person adequately, and understand it/them fully.

o Not to say that I may not have gotten it all wrong. My understanding might be flawed (I would hope not, though!) but unless I am sure I have an analysis based on understanding, I would never like to pass observations, judgments etc . Unless it’s mandatory: like an exam, or some job demands. And mind you, I do not understand half the things in the world. Roads being one of them (ref: post below). Something I am highly uncomfortable with: people asking me to tell them my “understanding”/ “opinion” on someone I have barely met. This happens often now that I am in HR- as an HR professional; you are supposed to have that “eye” for people. Quick assessments, based on those limited interactions are like a reflection of how good an HR person you are. I religiously and consciously avoid reaching these quick assessments, and would rather rely on Psychometrics results, objective data on behavioural traits and attitudes – thrown up in detailed interviews etc to reach those conclusions. And of course, Gut Feel. Incidentally, my Gut has not responded so actively in these situations- coz, like I said- it is based on subconscious processing of huge amounts of data and frankly, I donot think I could have built that data base in studying human behavior – in just 23 years. I am sure 5-10 years down the line, the Gut would be more responsive, and I would possess the ‘people reading’ skill too. But until then, spare me the agony of making smart observations that spring out of nothing but woolly guesswork.

Boy, have I had a nice time doing this today! :) Three Cheers to Blogger. Three Cheers, MS Word 2007. I love youy guyz :D

The Road Ahead

So.. what do we have here? Given the very somber sounding title of this post, you’d think I am finally pondering over where my pointless life is headed to. Nah! I am cool with the pointlessness. It has served me rather well for the past 23 years.

This post is about one of the most deeply disturbing problems of my life. Disturbing, only coz the entire world out there (my co-workers, my seniors, my family, and my Autowallas) seem to have made it a happy obsession – to rub in painfully, as to how strange and lethal my handicap is. Although, left to my own devices, I would be blissfully happy and cool about it. Trust me :-|

The Problem? It’s the Road Ahead. Not metaphorically, but literally. Today, I lament over the poor spatial intelligence that I suffer from. (the poor-ness in other kinds of Intelligence shall be dealt with in future posts)

I say it. Loud and clear: I DO NOT understand roads. I CAN NOT tell road A from B, street 1 from 2, Mahatma Gandhi Marg from Khadag Singh Marg, Chanakyapuri from Halwapuri, or Inner Circle from Outer Circle!

It’s not like I haven’t tried. Well, I agree I started a bit late in the day… maybe 20 plus years was not an early sunrise- yet, what did they say about Jab Jago, tabhi Savera? Well, unless they were lying… shoot, I divert from the main issue here.

Anddd I am tired. Tired of :

1. The autowallas who love to rag ignorant passengers like me – everyday, by asking me (with a glint of evil mischief/or the impatient tell-me-now-which-way-and-don’t-bicker-later-on-for-high-fare-on-the-meter look in the eye)

2. The very loud disappointment/ anxiety of my family and concerned ones: Who seem to think it’s a miracle I manage to reach home everyday, given that my depth of road-knowledge extends to a full distance of .5 km (my colony road -> my auto road)

3. Seniors at work: I have had performance reviews … where conversation veered to a casual what’s-up-in-your-life-dear-employee direction (a part of the “employing the Whole Man” and not just his ‘hands’, funda, methinks) And, what would otherwise have been mere conversation filters … became unanticipated, insightful data points for the bosses. A very innocent “so..which route do you take by auto everyday?” plugged in carelessly JUST before they can talk about your deliverables etc, instead of eliciting a short and sweet standard reply, got a response from me that sounded something like this : “Erm.. Ohkay.. Uuh… I know I cross India Gate… ! But ..other than that … Ermm….*stupid grin* I am lost, sir!”

While, the senior, dumbstruck and amazed at my ignorance – forgot all about my work deliveries and launched a Q&A into how I miraculously get delivered from home to work and back- everyday!

4. Co-workers and miscellaneous acquaintances: They are the kind who post innocuous (often, signing off) queries : So, which route will you take from here? You need a drop home?- I am going through the xyz route-suits your route some way? I can comfortably tell them to cool off if they cannot precisely be of any help/ convenience. Say, I am to reach point A- tell me how I can get there, or if you can help. Don’t make me do the math/ geography unnecessarily!

I have tried everything : from google maps, to eyes-wide-open in the auto for 5 whole minutes, to random map drawing in my diary on my way from the railway station to home, and am still as blank as I was. And it’s annoying- people make it annoying for me :-(

Some marginal progress:

Last week, I took an auto to work (in a desperate late-as-usual- -willing to break all-traffic-rules mode)... told him to take the route which would avoid all CWG-single-lane-issues (a concern voiced by him)... and after enjoying the satisfaction of my total surrender to his wisdom, he went: “dont worry, I know what to do..”

With that assurance, I went back to reading my book (and while all through, I was worried about reaching late) BUT we reached bang on time..

While paying the fare, I asked him (having discovered the blockage free route- wanted to use it every day for the rest of the 15 days) .. “bhaiya ... hum kis route se aaye hain?”

and he reprimanded me.. (rather disrespectfully)- “yeh lo! aap ko pata hi nahi kis route se aaye hain.”.

then, knowledgeably went on to recite.. “sarojini nagar .. se sardarjung ... waha se man singh road.. aur yahan”

I was like ..okay, thanks! ( For a change, having memorised all 3 data pts in an instant)

and the next day, when this new autowalla asked me.. “kahan se le chalein..”, i took a blind shot.. ‘bhaiya .. wahi.. sarojini nagar .. se sardarjung ... phir man singh road.. aur..(open ended sounds)’

to which he responded, in instant understanding .. “haan .. bilkul wahin se chalna chahiye..”

:D :D

Well, thankfully , I have a face- saving, practical formula now – even if it sounds like “blah blah blah-blahblahblah- blah –BLAH” to me.

I do wish I could comprehend roads/ directions a little bit though- before dying. Maybe, I’ll take this up as a sincere hobby, post retirement.

Until then, I must live my life in complete oblivion about The Road Ahead.

Both- literally, and metaphorically.

Not-at-her-happiest-Best,

Shruti

Random :D

I have a post to write.
I have a song to sing.
I have some thoughts to share,
I have some hope to bring.

I have no great ideas,
My mind won’t stay steady,
I smile without a reason,
I’m up but am not ready :-)

I have a song to sing,
I write it as I think,
The lyrics are a blot I know,
But I don’t care a blink!

I have some hope in heart;
I can see despair around;
It just won’t touch me right now,
I’m not sure if that is sound!

I have a joke for laughs,
I have a smile to smile,
I am kinda happy today.
Been like this a while.

Tomorrow’s another day,
So is the day post morrow,
I am up for the rocks and pebbles,
Sweeter is the taste of sorrow :)

What/Why am I posting this here? Bah! Random, meaningless activities like this – I love it :D

Happy Janamashtami, World!

Shruti

Random Updates

Quick updates in bullets below:


§ After having religiously bunked Jazz classes post the show, the ever-sincere Devina, from the trio (composed of Me, Devina and Meggs) attended the class today. It seems that Simon (one of our instructors) actually had the nerve (or innocence??) to give her a new set of renewal slips for the three of us. Like.. HA– HA-HA . You finally cracked a good one, Simon. Like.. reallllllllyyyyyyy? Invest 12 more Sundays this Summer (@ 3-4 hrs per Sunday) and bleed ourselves to death in the melting pot that is your studio. Worse, bleed our pockets for classes we now bunk without batting an eyelid?
I mean, no offence… melikes you guyz… even if you mock at my sincere attempts at a feminine freeze by telling the junta that I was doing a Shahrukh Khan. I really really do love all that’s Jazz about you guyz. I just need my life and energy back. And there’s only so much heat and sweat I can tolerate this summer. I swear! See ya in the winters. And see me you will. You bet! :D (@ Meggs, Devina.. I mean it :-) )
§ Three things make me happpppppiest in summers (Listed below) Even the thought of these pushes my spirits right up.
o Hot Choc Fudge. Extra-fudge. And more Fudge. And more Fudge. Until it kills me. :D :D
o A bedroom cold-ened just about right. ** Cold-ened IS a word. I made it up today. And it stays.
o Meditation – Sleep. In the room mentioned above. Sleeping like there’s no care. Like every single thought –good or bad, in my head, has evaporated into oblivion- where it belongs. Sleeping for hours on end. Waking up only when apocalypse strikes? Oh heck, maybe not even then. Every good man (or woman) deserves pure, unadulterated hours of blissful sleep. It’s like the most beautiful phenomenon god ever made. Second only to Rains.
o Which brings me to the last item on the list: Rains :) Rains do something for me. I am not moved by flowers, mountains etc etc. Rains (and snow) are magical. A cool, rainy day in summers is like God’s way of saying.. “I do like u a lot. I do, I do, I do. Despite everything YOU do!”
§ Heard this at work in the last week-
o Colleague (expressing her lack of computer-savvy-ness): “I swear, Shruti .. I am one of those people ..jinko computer computer ka K bhi nahi aata”
One self- validating statement, that! :P

Sigh. Monday already.

Ten Truths About Life

(Takes a long deep swig from her bottle of water)

Lately, I have developed a whole new meaning/ logic in respect of Life. And it is this: It has no meaning. We spend all our lives in pursuit of some kind of meaning, justifying everything that occurs in the world around us with some cause and effect, and what’s and why’s, but it all really, really reallllllllly comes down to a big WHATEVER.

(Is now in that high-on-cold-boiled-water frame of mind - blurred vision, mindless typing)

(Drinks more water: Three more swigs. Consecutively. Feeling High-er )

No, but seriously. I have come to believe in this theory as strongly as I believe in my theory of Cyclicity of the Universe/ Life and in theory of Everything Happens For a Reason (As elaborated in one of my old blogposts – here). Everything makes sense. And everything is stupid- mindless. I know that’s totally contradictory- and yet, that’s the truth about the world- It is based on the principle of Ordered Anarchy –or Principia Discordia – the order in Chaos …. the Chaos in Order.
THAT is the Truth. And that’s the only truth.

(Is wondering if excessive cold water can damage the liver too; it seems to be impacting her brain pretty badly. Drinks some more. Feeling pukish)

It seems I have lost charge. Of my own life. And the funny thing is, I was never free-er. Right now, right here, if I want, I can change anything. Everything. But I know for a fact that I won’t. Everything seems to be going picture perfect. I hatttee appearances!! Wow, I can crib. God, you wanna put me in the malaria and poverty infested jungles of Africa maybe… and beg for mercy and display more gratitude- for everything. Instead of this self-absorbed, brattish- spoilt-kid cribbing.

(Stares blankly at her empty bottle. Domestic help has the cheek to reprimand me for not finishing my dinner. :O Has now put my bowl of curd at my desk- as if! Have been on the Hot Choc Fudge Therapy since the past 3 evenings now. Nirula’s people probably love me. Sigh- if wins over everything else in life were that easy to come by. Can’t treat myself to Hot Choc Fudge tonight. Got a blocked nose and cold. It’s like that strange situation wherein you can’t take a disprin despite a throbbing headache, coz u are already on paracetamol. ( You do know, dear random blog reader, that disprin and paracetamol form a lethal combo ? )

Mayur just likened me to a “Manager” (Yes, Mayur.. this blogpost is being written live with our chat..) I HATE that word. Much as I hated MBA.

Much as I hate cribbing.
Much as I DO crib.
Much as I don’t know why I am still blabbering.
Much as I dunno how to balance the themes of “Mangement”, “Compost”, and “Hormones” in two separate conversations, simultaneously. ( yeah.. yeah)
Much as …

Much as…

I wish. I wish I would stop wishing, and start doing something about everything I feel like cribbing about.

(Picks up the empty bottle and hits on her head. Doesn’t help knock her back into senses. Gives up. Stops typing.)

PS. Don’t ask me what sense does the title of the post make. Lord, I know not!

Office-Office

Wouldn’t you agree that the world is FULL of stereotype characters? Isn’t almost everyone you know a classic example of a stereotype you’ve always known (I say almost, coz it’s NOT ‘everyone’. Some people in our lives seem to be just soo awesome for us that we can swear by the heavens that God created them as an EXCLUSIVE sample, irreplaceable and non-replicable. Call it bias? :D )

Does not every class in school have a much annoying nerd, who has this incurable desire to sprout out all the ‘right’ answers, before anyone else- inert to the threatening-cum-disgusting looks their batchmates throw at them everytime they do that? Or the one who has this written all over their swagger: “oh-i-am-so-innately-cool-and-brainy-that-using-books—or-lectures-for-my-education-is-an-insult-to-my genius”. Or the one who is a common pain area for all profs and students alike- and yet beyond anyone’s help. How about the Miss/ Mr. Popular- the cheerleader, the captain, the brainy-yet-non-nerdy-star who scores in all fronts- looks, brains and all that jazz? And the meek, harmless one who seems to avoid teachers, classmates, studies, games-and all other activities in the school hours like plague. Like the only thing that keeps them going from one day to another- is that, “there is always a new day” – with no great plans, or hopes for the newer day. The other kids always wonder if they have a voice, or an idea, or even a life, so to speak; people donot exactly queue up to become their seat partners; and they verbally apologize when a regular vibrant kid is seated next to them (by chance) – for being too boring a company! :O :O

Anyway, so everyone we see or meet, we try and relate them to the stereotypes of people we know already. Like the zabardasti motherly aunty at work who shamelessly advises the use of “a sauna belt” (winks at CutWrists ;) ) or the colleagues who show more concern (and remedies) for your acne than your mum would–err, okay..maybe this last one ain’t a stereotypical behaviour, but an embarrassing exceptional one.

Some of you may never get to see a typical office in your lifetime ( Arps, Ritz .. Hospitals must be different from regular corporates- I am sure)

Here is a list of a few office stereotypes – only the notable ones, based on my teeny bit of industry experience so far. Disclaimer: Much of it comes from offices other than my own. Also, please treat it as trash for all practical purposes except idle entertainment.

1. Stereotype Designation: Chief Information Officer
Who they really are? The Gossip Monger– they know everything. They pride themselves on what they call their “strongly intuitive people skills”, but most of what they know is information that doesn’t really justify their paycheque. They will know more about the boss’ young daughter/son’s reportable incidents than the boss himself. They will have sinister theories on why she is wearing what she is wearing (no, she can’t *like* red – she is wearing red coz person x in cubicle ten from her has indicated a preference for red), on why you are entering/ leaving the office whenever it is you do so, why such and such person said such and such thing to such and such person, and why it did not mean just that much, but actually had such and such meaning. Oh, you name it, they know it! These days, this lot has ceased to look like the typical mummy-type aunties with clerical/ secretary-like job profiles. A Professional DNA has entered the genome- they now cite “reliable sources in the industry” for information that is more corporate than neighbourhood gossip. But who are you kidding people, a gossip is a gossip by any other name. Ditto for a rumour, even if you serve it to us on a tray labeled, “Classified MIS: Management Information systems”


2. Boss -Type I

The biggest BOSS in the office. All other bosses report to him (gladly or grudgingly). He may not be evil at all, but his very mention gets the same treatment as Voldemort’s. People talk about him in a you-know-who tone; uttering the real name is almost disrespectful; at the very least, people watch their tone while using it- lest they defile it. Some really servile, spineless ones take this hypersensitive sacredness to such an extent that you can almost visualize them touching their right and left ear everytime they mention the boss ( Much like those in the art world do for the maesteros like Ustaad XYZ khan :P )
A non evil in this type, will try his best to come across as an OH-SO-SACRED-AND-YET-CHARMINGLY-PERSONABLE-COOL-CUM-AWESOME-BOSS. They want this dual comfort – the aura of sanctity, the majesty accorded to them, so that they can totally bowl people over with how unconventionally cool, non-hierarchical, simple and democratic they actually are.
For understanding an evil in this type- please try and recall Hari Sadu from the legendary Naukri advertisement. Try and use your imagination for his other traits. Others treat him like the mad street dog, you can’t afford to silence. They think he barks without reason or purpose. And the only reason they don’t bark back is that he is influential enough bite away their jobs and professional lives.

3. BOSS Type II
Bad Boys: The Necessary Evil

"Watcha gonna do… Watcha gonna do…when they come for you?" (Bad Boys, Bad Boys *chorus*)

They’re smart, they know their job. Often, better than their bosses. And they make no secret about this. They strut, they slog and they do just about everything that the boss/business wants them to do- and more. You want them- to do the superlative stuff that they do, but you hate the guts they spill out all over the office- sometimes, just for ego-kicks. There are moments when the biggest boss may be tempted to show them the door with a GOOD RIDDANCE! But then, they wouldn’t be strutting that bad if they didn’t know that the door is not an option for them. They suffer from either or both:1. excessive egotism/ narcissism/ superiority complex, and 2. a personal anguish at the seeming “not up to the mark-ness” of all of those around them- which they feel is an unfair deal for someone as gifted as they are.

Those who like them, nothing short of love them. Those who don’t, don’t. There is no middle-of-the-road opinion for this lot.
Effective leaders, typically, they have a strong fan club in the teams they lead. But, the popularity stops there-within the team.

4. BOSS Type III
The non-terrorizing boss. People (of all shapes, sizes and capacities) can walk into his cabin for a dialogue, whenever they so wish – without fear of being persecuted, even if they donot have much personal affection regard for him or much valuable content for dialogue. The results oriented ones among this type can get the team to perform, without the use of a cane. Those with low results orientation can be the typical case of (borrowing a phrase from a consultant), “the good boss turning into the goody-goody boss”- ultimately a lost case for the boss as well as his team.
Depending on his own competency levels, this boss maybe liked, loved and respected by his high-performance team (and others) or he maybe “liked a lot” by an average-peformance team- in cases when the team’s competency levels are equal to or lower vis-à-vis the boss’. In case of subordinates who see themselves as more competent than the boss, this type of bosses can be a major failure. Coz if the team’s assessment of his low competency is true, he can neither get performance out of them, nor be able to deliver himself.
Even in case the team’s assessment is wrong, the “non terrorizing” boss, if too “soft” will never be able to dispel this notion of his already skeptical and too-arrogant-to-learn subordinates , and will find it difficult to lead his team effectively for performance- by being unable to earn their regard and audience.

5. (This is specifically in response to a friend’s query)
Stereotype Designation: Greek-God/Greek Goddess in cubicle ten from you

Erm .. sorry people, no factual data to serve as evidence for his/her existence, in any office- let alone every. But hope is eternal. If ALL the bestselling novels in the world mention him/ her – there’s got to be some grain of truth in it. Maybe it’s got to be a non-Indian office? Or maybe for this to be true, you’ve got to be the Hero/ Heroine of your little office story in the first place- whose typical morning from home to work becomes the first chapter of the novel? :D
For now, if you wanna see one, go read a silly Sidney Sheldon or the like. Your office is not the place, nope!

Okay! 7 pages already, and I haven’t covered half the stereotypes in an office. Sleepy. Will sign off. Good night and god bless.

Shruti

Goodbyes. And Nightmares-come-true.

Updates: March 26

So obviously, this post is twin-themed. Reminds me of the similarly jumbled up stuff I had written last year (‘Of Goa, Ethics and MTNL’- people had a hard time imagining why I had put the three together- well, there was no connecting theme really. Those were all the updates then, compiled together!)

About the “Goodbyes”. Well, too many people leaving. Okay, maybe not too many. But I am just not used to people quitting jobs in a place I work. Can you blame me? This is my first job.
Today, two people quit again. One of them – well, I felt sad about news of his resignation. I was told that XYZ had put in his papers. But it was only when I saw his photograph in his green form that I realized that XYZ was someone I had observed somewhat during a recent cultural event. He was a decent, positive kind of presence. And I was disappointed. Only slightly though.

The other one was a young lady, whom I have not known intimately, but have had a few good conversations with her. And she was one good positive presence around. Someone who added the kind of culture and color to the little place, that it desperately needed and would otherwise sorely lack. And now, she’s gone :-( I am not sure how to explain this. I mean, I wouldn’t have minded if we continued to work, in neighbouring cubicles, without exchanging more than polite smiles occasionally – for weeks together. That was good enough. Just the knowledge that some ‘good’ people you kind of share a mental plane with, are around, can be so comforting.

Today, when she was bidding her goodbyes, I wanted her to stay. And we were not even ‘friends’- or even special acquaintances. We just knew each other cordially. And I did not want her to go! I wanted to give her something- some souvenir or token kinds- not sure why. Maybe just as an acknowledgement that her positive presence was appreciated. And maybe a “god bless/ All the best” kinds? I had nothing to give away of course. I scanned my office life helplessly, and suddenly discovered a small Sai Baba statue on my desk. (had once purchased it from a small kid at a traffic signal- only coz he did seem in a desperate need to sell it off. I had decided that if nothing, I could put it on my office desk- as an object of positive energy.) Instinctively, I realized that this was the moment it had actually been purchased for. What better token for a “goodbye/ godbless” kinda message? Delighted, I just picked it and handed it over to her. She was slightly taken aback I guess. (she always seemed to feel disappointed in my low social skills with cubicle neighbors such as herself, compared to the livelier previous occupant of my seat. ) But she did promise me that she will put it up on her desk in the new job. And she sounded like she meant it. :-)

Anyway, the nightmare now. about this really, really sad (disappointing/ un-appetizing/ call it what you will) discovery I made last night. Oh, add spooky to the list of adjectives there.

Ritu, you will remember this!! Back in grade 11/12, one day, I had a weird dream. And I told Ritu about it over phone the next day. This is how the dream went (still remember it vividly) I was sitting in a study/ personal library kinds. And not just “a” library mind you, a friend’s library; Neeta Spoony’s, of all people!! A library is the perhaps the last thing she would want to invest in (even in my dreams!) :P How did I know that it was her library? Well, I just knew… I knew that fact as I sat reading a book. This was a fat, red book, and here was what was happening (tears of pain/ anguish flow). I was reading the contents of Harry Potter (verbatim!) in a red book written years and years before JKR!! And as I read it (pain gnawing deeper in my heart), all that I could think of was.. “OMG .. she copied it from here.. how could she …how could she…” .. the hurt/ anger became unbearable as I read more and more ( the red book seemed to read like the Goblet of Fire – itself a reddish, fat Harry Potter. That was the thickest book in the series, by then) And then, the dream dissolved somehow, and I woke up to a beautiful reality the next morning, where my beloved JKR was not a plagiarist. The nightmare had ended. How stupid! I told myself, as I laughed sheepishly, and heaved a sigh of relief. I then shared the story with Ritu over phone (laughing over the weirdness of the theme my mind had concocted).

That was some six years back.

10:30 p.m last night. I was reading Lord of The Rings. Finally purchased it the other day, as from Meghna’s description of stuff from in there, it did seem to have a lot of HP like content that might go well with me ( and I know for a fact that movies – no matter how well made, can never do justice to the books). For days, my heart has been filled with hope and delight, as I looked at the shining, blood red fat book on my table – with anticipation of the treat that those unexplored pages held in store. It was like a godsend: almost another unread HP – what more could have I asked for!
BUT, as I read more pages last night… I grew steadily uncomfortable as I turned each page.
First, the concept of the powerful ring. Its nature, qualities etc- so strongly reminiscent of the ugly, powerful horcruxes – and the ring that kills Dumbledore!
Then, the talk of the ugly negative power that is rising again, not fully dead and (horror of horrors!), the villain being called the “Dark Lord”, who is trying to resurrect himself. And someone’s gotta stop him. Someone old and wise taking educated guesses at the whats and hows of this Dark Lord.
I mean.. COMMMEEEON!!!! Not to mention the Elvish language (I is doings whatever you says kinds).
My heart skipped beats as the similarities grew too much for comfort. Wondering for a crazy second, I was thinking, has no one else read these two books?! Could no one else tell the similarities! Has JKR ever acknowledged ‘inspiration’ from the works of J.R.R Tolkien?!! I then did what every mortal of today– idiot or intellectual, does best: I googled it up. I keyed in the following, with shivering fingers, “is harry potter inspired by lord of the rings”. And Lo! And behold. Apparently, everywhere on the internet, even on the Mecca of HP fanatics – mugglenet.com, the similarities have been discussed and debated in greatest detail. Fans point it out as mere ‘similarities’, which they don’t fret too much about. Whereas, JKR bashers accuse her to be a plagiarist with double standards: being so particular about protecting her own intellectual property rights over everything HP, but having shamelessly ‘lifted’ concepts from here and there herself- without acknowledgment of the ‘inspiration’. (it hurts even to type this opinion as academically as possible!). Reminds me of that fateful night in Kota (during my initial induction days) when I had seen the JKR – plagiarism controversy bit on news: the claim that she had lifted heavily from Wily The Wizard by Adrian Jacobs. I remember almost running out of talktime on my cell, discussing the heartbreaking controversy with Arps. The controversy died, didn’t it? JKR *is* no ordinary writer, it seems. The lady is much more smart and clear headed than a layman would imagine the creator of a ‘kids’ fiction nove’ to be!

Anyway, the bottomline being: the issue of LOTR and H.P is already well- known and debated in the public space. Theories hold while there are definite parallels- it seems that the concept of sorcery and other creatures etc has been abundantly explored in literature- leading to the evolution of certain common concepts, which have been used, time and again by different authors. Hence, in a way, anyone can be said to have lifted from someone else. I am not sure if that’s a clean moral chit for JKR. I just want to hope that it is. Reminded me of that 17 year old Indian writer girl in U.S- who wrote the much famous (and later, infamous) book, How Opal Mehta Got Drunk, Got Wild and Got a Life. How a much hyped and publicized accusation of plagiarism ruined the career of a promising young writer.

But these controversies donot impact the big fish much. And JKR is a big fish alright. A good fish too though :)
Okay, I guess all ideas we come across in life inspire us somehow or the other. Besides, JKR’s work is too good. Many of us owe a lot of beautiful memories of our growing years to her. And nothing can take that away.
(*small voice in head*… though I do wish she will acknowledge all that there is to acknowledge with respect to her inspirations! )

Anywho, this incident of a dream-coming-true nature did excite me a little bit. I do have some untapped supernatural powers. Ha! :D

Will get back to LOTR now.

Ciao.