The Road Ahead

So.. what do we have here? Given the very somber sounding title of this post, you’d think I am finally pondering over where my pointless life is headed to. Nah! I am cool with the pointlessness. It has served me rather well for the past 23 years.

This post is about one of the most deeply disturbing problems of my life. Disturbing, only coz the entire world out there (my co-workers, my seniors, my family, and my Autowallas) seem to have made it a happy obsession – to rub in painfully, as to how strange and lethal my handicap is. Although, left to my own devices, I would be blissfully happy and cool about it. Trust me :-|

The Problem? It’s the Road Ahead. Not metaphorically, but literally. Today, I lament over the poor spatial intelligence that I suffer from. (the poor-ness in other kinds of Intelligence shall be dealt with in future posts)

I say it. Loud and clear: I DO NOT understand roads. I CAN NOT tell road A from B, street 1 from 2, Mahatma Gandhi Marg from Khadag Singh Marg, Chanakyapuri from Halwapuri, or Inner Circle from Outer Circle!

It’s not like I haven’t tried. Well, I agree I started a bit late in the day… maybe 20 plus years was not an early sunrise- yet, what did they say about Jab Jago, tabhi Savera? Well, unless they were lying… shoot, I divert from the main issue here.

Anddd I am tired. Tired of :

1. The autowallas who love to rag ignorant passengers like me – everyday, by asking me (with a glint of evil mischief/or the impatient tell-me-now-which-way-and-don’t-bicker-later-on-for-high-fare-on-the-meter look in the eye)

2. The very loud disappointment/ anxiety of my family and concerned ones: Who seem to think it’s a miracle I manage to reach home everyday, given that my depth of road-knowledge extends to a full distance of .5 km (my colony road -> my auto road)

3. Seniors at work: I have had performance reviews … where conversation veered to a casual what’s-up-in-your-life-dear-employee direction (a part of the “employing the Whole Man” and not just his ‘hands’, funda, methinks) And, what would otherwise have been mere conversation filters … became unanticipated, insightful data points for the bosses. A very innocent “so..which route do you take by auto everyday?” plugged in carelessly JUST before they can talk about your deliverables etc, instead of eliciting a short and sweet standard reply, got a response from me that sounded something like this : “Erm.. Ohkay.. Uuh… I know I cross India Gate… ! But ..other than that … Ermm….*stupid grin* I am lost, sir!”

While, the senior, dumbstruck and amazed at my ignorance – forgot all about my work deliveries and launched a Q&A into how I miraculously get delivered from home to work and back- everyday!

4. Co-workers and miscellaneous acquaintances: They are the kind who post innocuous (often, signing off) queries : So, which route will you take from here? You need a drop home?- I am going through the xyz route-suits your route some way? I can comfortably tell them to cool off if they cannot precisely be of any help/ convenience. Say, I am to reach point A- tell me how I can get there, or if you can help. Don’t make me do the math/ geography unnecessarily!

I have tried everything : from google maps, to eyes-wide-open in the auto for 5 whole minutes, to random map drawing in my diary on my way from the railway station to home, and am still as blank as I was. And it’s annoying- people make it annoying for me :-(

Some marginal progress:

Last week, I took an auto to work (in a desperate late-as-usual- -willing to break all-traffic-rules mode)... told him to take the route which would avoid all CWG-single-lane-issues (a concern voiced by him)... and after enjoying the satisfaction of my total surrender to his wisdom, he went: “dont worry, I know what to do..”

With that assurance, I went back to reading my book (and while all through, I was worried about reaching late) BUT we reached bang on time..

While paying the fare, I asked him (having discovered the blockage free route- wanted to use it every day for the rest of the 15 days) .. “bhaiya ... hum kis route se aaye hain?”

and he reprimanded me.. (rather disrespectfully)- “yeh lo! aap ko pata hi nahi kis route se aaye hain.”.

then, knowledgeably went on to recite.. “sarojini nagar .. se sardarjung ... waha se man singh road.. aur yahan”

I was like ..okay, thanks! ( For a change, having memorised all 3 data pts in an instant)

and the next day, when this new autowalla asked me.. “kahan se le chalein..”, i took a blind shot.. ‘bhaiya .. wahi.. sarojini nagar .. se sardarjung ... phir man singh road.. aur..(open ended sounds)’

to which he responded, in instant understanding .. “haan .. bilkul wahin se chalna chahiye..”

:D :D

Well, thankfully , I have a face- saving, practical formula now – even if it sounds like “blah blah blah-blahblahblah- blah –BLAH” to me.

I do wish I could comprehend roads/ directions a little bit though- before dying. Maybe, I’ll take this up as a sincere hobby, post retirement.

Until then, I must live my life in complete oblivion about The Road Ahead.

Both- literally, and metaphorically.

Not-at-her-happiest-Best,

Shruti