Response to an inaccurate Film Review of "The Kashmir Files"

(So  I just happened to land on this review of “Kashmir Files” by some unfortunate click, and could not rest without an attempt to undo some of the injustice and falsehoods in this.

Twitter doesn’t allow enough text length, and so it is after  9+ years that I had to dig out the admin page of this blog platform!)

Link to the Review:  https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/movie-review/the-kashmir-files-anupam-kher-emotional-core-vivek-ranjan-agnihotri-7816266/

This critic's utter lack of comprehension/(or worse, malicious intent) is painfully exposed in several places by her own hand. Eg:

1) "…as far as ‘The Kashmir Files’ is concerned, it was not an ‘exodus’, it was a ‘genocide’….. today live like refugees" ...

 (here “massacre, rapes and Kashmiri Pandits living as refugees”  - all of it being termed as a “Genocide”, seems to be positioned by the writer as just  “one opinion” ie, possibly the opinion of this film alone - and a possibly faulty opinion at that.)

 

2) Her questioning how the grandson in the story does not "know" enough of his own people’s painful story - reveals 2 things:

 

1) her woeful ignorance - that not knowing enough, in fact, is not the exception but the norm for the vast majority of KP children (raised majorly by protective, emotionally/spiritually evolved & toxicity-averse KP parents).

 

2) and/or, she hasn't watched the film (at all) or enough, to identify correctly -as to what the character "did not know."  And why that made sense.

 

And for those wondering  if the events depicted in the film were "exaggerated" or "fabricated' by the filmmaker for commercial leverage- one simple observable fact to refute this, is to know (and see for yourself) that while watching the movie for the first time, ever-so-often, a KP member in the audience would fearfully anticipate the exact event/story coming up in the next scene with a "God..I think they might show that incident now <incident name>.." (including the blood rice incident , the body chopping incident etc). This is "recall" of stuff they have either experienced, or heard about over years from their own people. 

 

This review (and all its similarly sponsored cousins) is so poor in intent & content, it doesn't even the qualify for the evaluation of being "wrong".  

But given that KPs have (gracefully and compassionately) coped with & risen beyond horrors so gruesome that many can't even conceive of them as being non-fictitious..  by comparison, peanut-isque sins  like these articles will thankfully be responded to, by most KPs- as below:

a) an attempt at responding to all their misinformation with truth-creating awareness with factual, correction information,

b) expressing (perhaps vocal) verbal disappointment/criticism at their continued lack of understanding/intent (after a)

c) Last (if at all), followed by- at most- an appeal to the cosmic consciousness/divine forces to bless the person behind this act with wisdom and enlightenment as a human being- sooner rather than later.

(very importantly though: this will be without any slightest belief in their right to "compel" that journey of these ignorant individuals towards the "right path" as the KP sees it. Knowing fully well (through inherited wisdom) that the matter between every living being and the cosmic/divine force is a private one, and merits no interference by any other living being- no matter how good the intent.)

The KPs' spiritual wisdom and legacy assures them  that in the larger scheme of the cosmic play, any of us who may be steeped in ignorance of truth, and in Doubt, Hate and unrighteous conduct, are likely to eventually evolve towards Love, Truth, Hope, Faith & Righteous conduct. Sooner or Later. And in this journey of an individual, every thought/ action will likely have a reciprocal consequence -from the supreme consciousness.

Not only this, the average KP folks have a similar spiritually-evolved response even for the terrorists’ inhuman sins. Precisely (and thankfully) the reason, why KPs never resorted to terrorism/ violence for “revenge” with the excuse of it being justified by the atrocities they suffered.

Oh wait..so…  out of curiosity, I searched the same critic’s review of Shikara (Vidhu Vinod’s movie – initially positioned as the “Untold Story of Kashmiri Pandits”- released earlier, and widely disowned and criticized by most KPs (including myself) as a completely weak, washed-out and inaccurate depiction of “The story of KPs”.  Even in this “washed out” version- which basically diluted truth with non truth in the proportion of 1 is to 99, this critic’s real lament is only for the “other side” of the story not being told-  the story of KPs merely being inconsequential background noise for her. Though she has granted this one 2.5/5 ( 1 pt higher than what she gave 'the Kashmir Files' ) because for her,  the “love story” track seems more pertinent and something that redeems the movie a bit- possibly because it doesn’t allow the KPs tragedy to come to the fore (one can imagine that could be because in her opinion- the tragedy doesn’t seem to merit that emphasis).

https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/movie-review/shikara-movie-review-vidhu-vinod-chopra-6255572/

Out of further curiosity, I looked for her review of Haider- which clearly had the story of the only tragedy that she seems to passionately recognize in Kashmir: Indian Military’s atrocities on innocent Kashmiris.

https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/movie-review/haider-review/

As expected, she seems very satisfied with the agenda of the film, and also praises it for being “spectacular looking”, but has only faulted the movie as being as having weak screenplay and performances. THIS- being a movie set in the 95- in fresh wake of the KP's genocide/exodus, making NO mention of the KPs story at all. Can you imagine how having a movie on Germany chronicling some events of Hitler's rule that doesn't mention Jews or Holocaust, would be received by Germans or any adult human being of sound mind? 

Little do people like this critic realize that no such inaccurate and agenda-sponsored manuscripts that a KP will read  can invalidate or erase the indelible memories of their own experiences or those of their  loved ones’ struggles and the elders’ painful stories –some of which eventually were shared with the loved ones in fearful and sad fragments of moments.

They may succeed in misleading the non KP Indians again though, as has been the active strategy for 3 decades.  

And by the way, The Kashmir Files shows only a glimpse -  ie, the story of persecution and genocide only in 1990. The full scale of persecution and even massacre of KPs has run throughout the history of Kashmir; fresh accounts of pre-1990 years can be heard by many KPs alive in flesh and blood .

Anyway, in delivering this movie in a shape and form that adheres to truth and justice, Vivek Agnihotri has pulled off something massively important for India, Indians and in fact, for humanity at large. And most massively difficult. 

Anupam Kher also deserves a strong appreciation for this HUGE decision to be a part of this attempt at narrating this truth – at great risk to his professional network  and future in Bollywood- as this film seems to be completely at odds with the agenda of all power camps in Bollywood that run the show for all artists. He probably doesn’t “need”    Bollywood or its camps this much at this stage of his career, but it will still cause a huge risk and disadvantage all the same, that a lot of actors in his place would have preferred not to take. The fact that a veteran mainstream Bollywood actor of his stature  was attached to the film made a lot of difference in the credibility and magnitude of this project.

 Had just meant to scribble a few thoughts.  This extended way beyond that.

Ending this now.

SPOILER ALERT: The Casual Vacancy - Reflection

I’ll cut straight to the chase.. yes, yes.. many of us were waiting in eager anticipation..for the next book by J. K Rowling ( despite the fact, or because it was a departure from her Harry Potter universe).. While it stung us somewhere that we couldn’t hope to savor any more of that delicious Chicken Soup for the Soul anytime soon… we were (or at least I was) anticipating something equally beautiful and rapturous- with all kinds of emotions and elements magically woven into a single fabric- tears, humor, friendship, love, wisdom, hatred, strength, weakness-everything. I, for one, have never seen the HP series as “Children’s Books” (and am often surprised to find those lined up at the kids’ section in all major bookstores) ..so the whole idea of her coming out with a book for adults did not matter so much  (even though she seemed to emphasize it). We all make mistakes…

So.. I had pre-ordered my book and then almost forgotten about it .. when one day at work, my teammate mentioned JKR and I mentioned the new book and how I may get to read it anytime soon.. imagine my ecstasy, when Flipkart delivered it the same day (I had received no SMS notification) .. I floated on cloud nine holding my prize like a lucky charm. It was a thick, red book. I was delighted!

I came home and devoured page one.. wishing for the familiar warmth and awesomeness of the characters/description to engulf me- the reader in absolute surrender. One chapter past, however.. (which is the threshold you always give to yourself as a reader.. “it’ll get better, the best of them always are non-awesome in the first few pages..” Some 20 pages later … (yes, I kept deluding myself) I had to honestly confess to myself- this book- well written, characters very well etched, emotions and feelings masterfully and unabashedly described, a story being coherently told- was strongly reminiscent of that feeling of dread, unease, disgust and fear gnawing into your intestines when you watch movies like The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Dev D –  that depict one dimensional reality of human depravity painfully realistically. Stupid as it was, on my part, I couldn’t help observing that 50 pages later- I had not come across a single moment which would have caused a hint of a smile/glow in me as a reader- let alone the absolute LOL/HAHA moments that were frequently, expertly interspersed in the natural storytelling of the HP series – I would call that the lifeline of the series, which set it apart from many other books of its genre.  

Much as it has killed me..right from the time I was on page 20.. that I couldn’t discuss the contents I had just consumed, with someone with exactly the same degree of consumption of T.C.V .. I kept restraining myself from visiting online forums .. and now that I am done with the book, I have yet not read annyyyy review/discussion online- not even any interview with JKR .. giving more context to the storyline and her intent, and purpose of writing it.. (much as I can’t wait to do it) … I decided that my first review to myself should be completely my own- not colored by anyone else’s thoughts. I did (unwittingly) read this flash of news on my google apps email :-(  :: The Casual Vacancy released to mixed reviews from critics.

So…a few people have asked me ..most, just out of casual curiosity – about what the book is like: Until today, I kept telling them that I did not wish to pre-review it (somewhere, I kept hoping I would get “there” somewhere along the plotline..which, well..it did not happen!)

 My feedback:

That JKR is a skilled writer, a master storyteller and an honest, intellectual one at that- acutely perceptive of how human emotions, human behavior etc etc work.. I had always known. Nothing was going to change that. In this book, she has demonstrated, far greater than in the HP series perhaps (wherein a casual reader may miss the brilliance which is eclipsed by all the elements of “magic” and “children” ). Her descriptions are vivid, real and authentic. The characters are all – well, in a way, you can understand all of them.. I think she has delved deep, deep into the recesses of the darker elements of her past life ( we all know about the depression and suicide attempts) .. and while initially it seemed that she was making a deliberate attempt to show that she could bloody well write a book for adults if she wanted to..   as good as any other (or better) ..and that had almost annoyed me a bit.. she seemed to be doing a good job of it..but why?! Anybody could do that.. but nobody can do what she does… what she has done previously.. !

But, as I progressed.. slowly sinking deeper and deeper into the plot: disgusted, uncomfortable and painfully depressed (not as someone critiquing her favourite author..but as someone involved closely with the hearts and minds of the shallow, distraught lives of the key characters of the Pagford story) .. I realized that this was something –that was as naturally a part of JKR as was HP. This was something integral to her being..something she had to put out there.. not for a reader, but for herself. At times, I have been appalled by the vivid descriptions of illicit/depraved behavior – coming from JKR- as a first-person account  .. and couldn’t help wondering how much of her own life is retold through the various characters .. – for her own sake, I wished it was her brilliance that captured second-hand experiences so deftly onto the paper.. I surely do not wish for her to have had a life anything like that, as a child! By the time the book ended, my heart went out for some of the key characters … in a … God-should-not-do-this to-anyone kind of way. The trouble is.. (which is my issue with some of the acclaimed movies/books based on “real” life..  such as those by Anurag Kashyap (I have only watched Dev D).. ) .. why did the story have to focus one-dimensionally, only on the negatives of everyone..of all their lives.. Everyone- almost everyone – or at least some people in a group.. have a healthy blend of dark and bright in their lives.. something clean, something dirty.. something to die for… something killing..  The worst kind of children we have known … due to whatever circumstances.. do have some kind of innocence …some kind of child-like quality/feelings/thoughts in their heads and hearts.. most mothers .. (imagining the worst of the lot).. do have a heart that –in part, beats pure love and sacrifice for the children) ..

Maybe it’s my issue .. but I would like to hear a story (mostly) with an all round description – hate, envy, politics, weaknesses, dark side..all are welcome.. but so are love, wisdom, friendship or at least faith, honesty.. anything.. anyyything! Something should strike a painful chord ..and something should relieve the pain.. tears of real sorrow and joy.. like a real life… which most people we know.. rich or poor, fortunate or unfortunate .. lead. Some people no doubt have sick, psychologically damaged lives dumped in darkness of every possible human element. But 90-100% people in a small town? I don’t think so! It seems that except one person – whom we get to know mostly through memories and recollections of those who knew him, and who was like a real person.. (in fact, much better than an average real person)..everyone else have been so described .. that they need serious Psychological intervention – which some of them, do seek in the book.

Anyway.. some of it could be attributed to my own complete ignorance of a world degenerated to that extent.. in India or elsewhere (what school has ALL children spewing expletives in every  single sentence- well, all children, except those of the singlemost “real-nice” man mentioned earlier) .. while all of it-the characters’ emotions, situations etc etc ..seemed painfully real.. one couldn’t help feeling that there might have been more to them or to the place.. that would have given us a more ‘complete’, human picture of them. And it is strange to reconcile this world of absolute degeneration, with the world of HP – wherein, while the darkest powers existed alongside the Good.. there were most shades of the ‘human’ in both. In all characters, except Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange and the werewolf Fenrir Greyback.. (who was not human anyway) .. everyone had a certain dignity,

And to think that the two sets of worlds came out of the pen of the same person. That’s brilliance. I think.

Would I want to re-read The Casual Vacancy? I think not. Never.

Did I love the book? Not at all.

Is it well written- yes, I think expertly.

In some ways, coz it’s so unreal. And in some ways, coz it’s so real too. It’s a lot of pain and depression. I don’t want it. Had it been JKR’s first book, I would have not thought about even finishing it, I think.

More Spoilers:

My favourite characters in the book (though- no, I don’t feel/ want to feel anything for anyone of them.. ) – Krystal Weedon (the most reviled teenager in the whole world of despicable kids- ironically, also the one with the most human element- of love and integrity and responsibility)… and Mr. Barry Fairbrother.. Who, by all memories- and internal thought process as described in the first few pages, was a nice, old man.  

Most memorable moments? In the most painful kind of way.. Krystal’s rape. And Robbie’s death and funeral.

In the sole moments of humour, cautiously thrown in by the author: Krystal’s wisecracks in all the rowing scenes (all memories) with Mr. Barry Fairbrother- hardly 2-3 such scenes in the  500+ page long book.

Phew. Feel much lighter. MUST read others fans’/critics thoughts and most importantly, JKR’s thoughts on the book.

:-) 

LOSING MY RELIGION

“Ohhhh.. Life… is Bigger.. It’s bigger than You,

and You are not Me.. ….

…..

That’s Me in the corner..

that’s Me in the spotlight,

Losing my Religion..

Trying to keep up with You,

Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool.. “

This beautiful song by R.E.M speaks to me of someone who is struggling with a feeling of loss of faith in their own faith! It is a lament of their attempt to ‘keep up’ with the expectations of someone from whom they sought acceptance; someone who did not understand that the speaker is different and unique, to be valued for who they are (and who no one else can be!)  Having tried to gain acceptance by adopting the faith of their object of desire (and consequently, abandoning their faith/value system in Life), the speaker feels hurt, lost and foolish: They are coming to terms with the realization that life is BIG- Big enough for everyone’s faiths, however different, to co-exist, and too big for them to alter the truth of their being for fitting into someone’s scheme of things.  Someone who cannot protect and own the fundamental truth of Who they have always been (proud of), can never do justice to a Truth ‘borrowed’ from another. They are obviously not accepted by those who laid down the required specifications of their Truth, and now, having lost their own Truth (Guiding Light) as well, they are left groping in the dark (as though blinded); Resignation and resentment set in.

Organizations/their Managers often define in rigidly explicit ink (printed on paper or on the walls of mind), the Standard Specifications for a “Good *Whatever-organizational-Role* In Our System”. As though, these critical roles are each a kind of exquisite dish, with a precise “recipe”. We just need the right ingredients (people), and cook them right (by training, etc). Our view of these roles may even be likened to that of a customer of a branded product. A particular piece/sample of that product is like the role incumbent/ employee. Each ‘role’ is like the iPod for instance, it has a standard, company verified manual describing what the standard product looks and feels like in perfect condition, and also, instructions on “handling” it well ( ‘Do not place near inflammable material’, “Give a break in usage every 8 hours.. “ -sound like our competencies?).  The quality of a sample (role incumbent/employee) is determined by the degree to which it accurately fits the description in the manual.  Deviations are “defects” which must be corrected; If not, then the sample is to be rejected as unfit for use, and either be ‘repaired’ with training intervention or be replaced with a new one.

Yes, it sounds ridiculous when one puts it like this- almost like a travesty of our very sincere, scientific approach to Talent Development.  I have been, since my student days, an ardent admirer of the concept of Competencies and how they can be used (objectively, measurably) for performance enhancement, by confronting traits that were otherwise thought to be, less external and less mutable.  We desire some non-physical output – such as enhanced Customer Service, High Results Orientation and so forth, and we want this output from all of our different people in these roles. All of them are human beings who have spent the past quarter of their (total) life span doing things in a certain way, for certain reasons. How do you ensure that when you tell them what they are supposed to do for you, they deliver exactly what you wanted? I want a cup of GOOD tea – I study the best cooks (in my view), record their ingredients and procedure down to the last pinch of lemon they add into it with a soft stir and then I repeat exactly what they did.  Bam!  I have my cup of tea!  Yes, can’t go wrong with that one.

Look at, record what the BEST eat, drink, breathe (– grant me poetic license here), speak, prioritize, believe, etc as reflected in their behaviors –which is the only way we get to see their success formula at work. Get your other good people, and hand out the magic formula, the recipe to success! The good cooks, with a proven recipe can never go wrong, can they now?  Yes, they can. There are so many different kinds of good tea. And if you have got a gang of good cooks- the chances that each specializes in a different delicious variety are all the more great! Extending this analogy to a (potential/) business leader, where the fallacy of this logic is revealed even more: Fine, you want a leader who can mobilize their people into delivering results of high order. But telling your potential leaders that they-as as individual- must view their customers, peers, colleagues and juniors in such and such manner, deal with them with such and such sensitivity, that they must add a teaspoonful of salt, followed by 1 cube of sugar and not more than a drop of lemon in all their attitudes/relationships– and then, and only then, will they be considered effective in their roles – I am not comfortable with this idea. Whether or not one is or can be successful in a particular role is a combination of the factors of knowledge/skill and intent of the role incumbent. For sure, a successful recipe helps the cook a great deal in terms of building perspective, reflecting on ideas, but denying them the opportunity to make a new something out of the best ingredients that they bring is like shutting your doors to any new flavors in life. After all, they say that if you want something you have never had before, you will need to do something that has never been done before!

Not to forget that you are telling a human being (coming with his own personal success story of 20 plus years) that they only need to tailor their value system/world view here and there- rip off parts and retain the rest ‘acceptable’ ones and wear the patchwork to look not like an urchin, but a king- a leader. Even if they buy the patchwork theory as their road to success, they will never be able to meet expectations (yours or their own), because a patched up, tailor made soul of a human being can never make for an inspiring leader.

Sure, there are expectations of deliveries from each role- that cannot and MUST not be compromised. If you have hired someone to make tea and they cannot give you a cup of tea you can use- what is the point of having them? Or if they can make excellent coffee and you do not need coffee, all you would want to do is tell them so, and show them the door. No arguments around that!

Also, we definitely need a repository of the best recipes (or a competency framework)– as a guiding strength- for structuring the whole effort of Talent Identification, Development and Evaluation. But I feel a strong discomfort with us getting obsessively infatuated with our ‘recipe’ in all our training and development, performance and potential reviews/ discussions. It is worse when the recipe is not even a uniform result of competency framework within an organization- but each manager (these days, often  a half-baked-people-expert by virtue of having been trained in a few psychometric tools) has their own view of what the best ‘recipe’ is- and hence this constant ‘repair exercise’(supposedly scientific and therefore free from accusations of bias) becomes a sore thumb between managers/management and employees- day in, and day out.

There are a lot of factors that go into making a great leader in any context. Blinded by our passionate obsession with sharpening those that we mistakenly assume are non-negotiable imperatives of a role, we must make sure we do not have an abrasive impact on the corresponding core strengths of an individual.

As I conclude, it strikes me that my issue here is not something that happens only in organizations- such expectations-value misalignment and consequent dissatisfaction happens everyday in all our personal relationships as well- we end up with rigid Ideal Type notions of what someone should do in a role, and constantly struggle with our dissatisfaction with the ‘gaps’: between parents and children, spouses, friends- and even with ourselves! We are so engrossed in discovering and applying the perfect formula for success everywhere- particularly in the others, that, we often lose sight of the foundation of religion they (only they) have and must never lose! Never, ever.

‘Splits’ Aren’t Easy

Disclaimer: Totally a fictitious story. Totally did not happen to anyone, alive or dead.

*avoids eye contact with MS Word*

So, there was a group of young new recruits (management professionals), on a trip to various locations on Corporate Business Induction. There was just one female in the group, by the way; let’s call her The Girl. The induction went rather smooth, as per plan, for the first blessed 2-3 days, with no ‘accidents’ or notable untoward incidents.

One fine afternoon, however:

The group moved out from one particular regional office (in the outskirts), after hours of gyaan and discussion; Lunch at a famous resort some miles away, beckoned- especially to The Girl, who had always shared a more intimate relationship with Food than with Enlightenment. *Blogger pauses to swallow a mouthful of her aadhi-raat-wali Maggi*

She rushed ahead of the group, towards the vehicle, to grab a comfortable seat (in the initial 3 days, she had enjoyed the prerogative of the co-driver’s seat, by virtue of being The Girl. However, as deceptions never last long, she was soon recognized for lack of Lady-Likeness, and brazenly asked to sit squashed in the passengers’ seat- always with too many passengers in it. The Co-driver’s seat, it was established, was to go to the healthier ones. Oh, those sweet days, when she was not counted amongst the ‘healthier’ ones. What? Empathy is an important skill!)

As the others bid farewell to their hosts, and proceeded towards the vehicle, in the second of a divine moment, she noticed, to her horror, a split in the arm of her crisp, relatively new, full-sleeved Formal Shirt. Like a patch of benign tumor, it was there. Proud and visible, but, only just. And so far, visible only to the one who’d know to look. The Girl, usually slow in all responses to everyday stimuli, swung into action, and excused herself to one side. Looking out for some shop (any shop) in the almost-remote area, she discovered one, and hurriedly purchased a roll of thread and a needle, walked back into the vehicle, with as much dignity as she could muster. Note that since half her energy was invested in keeping the tumor out of public view, there wasn’t much dignity mustered.

So, they reached the resort, and starving souls- all, walked right into the restaurant. As soon everybody took a seat, she excused herself and rushed to the restroom with only her bag, and prayers on her badly ripped person. And once in there, she got to work, like she never had. They made the Needle and the thread still the same as they did many years back, when she was a little girl, making homely dresses for Barbie and Skipper (that the spoilt videshi brats would never wear).

It was a huge place- the resort; half way through the task, quite a few minutes had expired, and her phone rang. One of the group members wanted to know where she had disappeared to- it was a small group, and ‘rushing out to shop silly, with an entire group (including an elderly gentleman) waiting on her, for official lunch, was not the best way to bond’ He conveyed something to this effect. In very different words. She drew a long breath, and, as all of us who must take an unavoidable call in the Oh-so-obvious-echo-walls of a loo, she shut her eyes and muttered something cogent in response, before hanging up. Okay, she encouraged herself..almost done! A few more minutes, and this will be as good as it can get! And a few minutes later, the patch was (shabbily) stitched, no doubt..but horror of horrors: it was patched inside out! :-O

As a hypothetical tear rolled down her dramatic cheek, she got another (more polite) call of reminder: Erm.. “Where the *heaven* had she disappeared?” Only, they didn’t mention Heaven. She swallowed the shame of another Oh-so-obviously-loo-voice, and solemnly resolving to never forgive the Ironing lady for scorching her shirt (If she’d wanted it scorched, she’d have done it herself! This was stuff The Girl was good at!). She undid the effort of the first 10 minutes, and 15 more minutes of agony and an sms beep (‘where are u?!’) later, she had managed to pull the rip together. It was not the most professional wear, but, at least not something for which she could be charged with ‘misconduct’. In an illogical act of compensation, she diligently rubbed each of her feet against the legs- in a bid to make her forever-unpolished and soiled- shoes sparkle. Not a bad job- she heaved a big sigh of relief. Drenched in sweat, she stepped out (sheepishly, for she had been in for almost 30 minutes). As she dragged herself to the sink, she did a double take: an unfamiliar face jumped out at her, in the mirror: Behind her, on the floor, sat one of the cleaning ladies.

This one, looked like she meant business. And it was not mops.

Throwing the zapped Girl a look that was suspicion, accusation, disgust, and tch-tch all rolled into one set of deadly eyeballs, she stared hard.

Finally, The Girl, dripping sweat and water (and shame) blurt out a cry: Kya hai?! (What is it?)

The lady, employing her best I-know-what-you-did-last-Summer tone, retorted:

‘Mujhe pata hai aap andar kya kar rahe the’ (I know what you were doing in there.)

The Girl: ???

The Lady, continued, triumphantly, like one who’s just caught a thief red-handed :

Aap Cigarette Pee rahe the na! (I know you were smoking a cigarette)

The Girl: .. (tugging at her freshly-sown arm).. !!!! :-O ??

The Lady confided conspirationally: Aap jaise bahut Madam aati hain yahan pe, cigarette peene ke liye! Tch tch.

(Lots of young women like you sneak in here, to smoke a cigarette. Tch tch!)

The Girl: (recovering from her stupor, rather stupidly): Kya?! Nahi Aunty… main toh.. (Pointing idiotically at her patched up sleeve) yeh fat gaya tha.. main see rahi thi..dekho! (An implied, “Cigarettes! Haww.Chii.” )

(What?! Noo, Lady!.. this had gotten ripped off, I was stitching it back together!)

The Bourgeois-Proletariat divide be damned! It was very important that no elderly lady run around with the idea of The Girl sneaking around to smoke. ‘Non-smoker’ was the only highlight of her otherwise pathetic personal-resume.

The Lady seemed to consider that. Or maybe not. But The Girl had to rush. And rush she did.

Oh, she was not so hungry anyway, she told the table, drowning the sound of a rumbling tummy.

And yes, the little shops outside were fascinating enough.

For anyone would rather be remembered by their newly-acquainted colleagues as The-One-With-The-Bad-Table-Manners than The-One With-The-Wardrobe-Malfunction.

The blogger was reminded of this story, on a completely unrelated note the other day: The Girl was reported by some Metro travelers, swiping her card madly at each of the three exit machines, for good five minutes. None would let her pass. A group of eye-witnesses report that she did finally reach the conclusion that her company-access swipe card may not work on Metro machines. She did not look very happy about the eye-witnesses though. They did not bother to cover up their *pointing and Ha-ha-ha-ha*

The blogger, lately unsettled in her head, was scouting for some stories to strongly distract herself. And this was the one that popped up into her mind.

******* Written last night, posted on March 20, 2012.

Ron

March 15, 2012

March 15, 2012

Arpita Lakhotia’s FB Wall:

Shruti : Happy Birthday Arpita Lakhotia :-) May God shower the choicest of blessings on u .. Cheers!

Arpita: What? I don't get a blog this year? Not even a lengthy paragraph long wish!? *sulks in a corner*

Well Arps, Let me share something with you. For ages now, I have almost completely lost the strength to put my thoughts/feelings down. Even my messages/posts etc on FB are only 5% of what I post on the walls of my mind. With age catching up (*cough cough, adjusts spectacles on her wrinkled nose*) my memory is not as decent as it used to be, and I do fear sometimes, that I will have not much material to relive the moments of my life, if this spell of pen-less-ness prolongs.

However, it IS your birthday and my baby is not here today (so I have some me-time) AND it is a weekend (T.G.I.F!! is the only modern day concept that I can actually relate with.. I Loooove Fridays !) AND your comment is so aww-layy- evoking :P, so here goes my birthday wish-post for you:

Few Random yet Relevant Reasons Why Arpita Lakhotia is on my F.R.I.E.N.D list:

• We made many rare discoveries together very early in life. E.g,
• ‘Faeces’ (yani Potty) actually has a singular form! It is: ‘Faex’
• (Source: Pradeep’s Biology Textbook)
• Highly qualified and fancy-feathered people are not always up to the hype
• (Source: Our Umbridge’s disappointing delivery in her subject matter. And her being a disappointing bit of matter herself )
• She was the only one who would actually find me Chandler-Bing funny. Even when I was just being sad (dukhi wala sad) Case in point: A scholastic Book Fair, I come across something in a book, walk up to her, offer a handshake and say, “Hello, I’m Mike, your new friendly dairy owner” and *squeeze her hand*. She bursts out laughing Mu-ha-ha-ha.. like the book said she was supposed to. It was a social experiment I conducted: Every other person I later tried it on, responded to my squeezing, with a dispassionate “now what?” *!!!*
• She sleeps like a log, but is not lazy. I can manage only the first part of the twin-pronged-talent, and I do admire her for the second.
• She loooves being with people. She is connected to everyone. If Nokia could use her, she would be their brand ambassador; the hum(an)alogical- parallel to Nokia Mobile. (Connecting People) Why I like that about her, is that it’s perhaps the only reason we became f.r.i.e.n.d.s.
• She is one of the FEW* people I know in real life who love Harry Potter for the right reasons or have the right feelings/ thoughts about its various details!

( I mean, why did no one else ever feel indignant about Harry and Ron being selfish and mean towards Hermione- the sincerest and most self-less friend among all three! )

• We co-read the first 55 pages “Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix”. My copy (the first to be delivered in our town). And I let her risk us co-read it, during lunch (propped up precariously between us, and Rajma Chawal)
• She confessed to having read my HP-part 2 in her special reading spot (ring a bell, Arps?) :D . It’s a crime I could not have tolerated from any other batchmate.
• She is one of the FEW* people I know, for whom I would love to dedicate a written thought (such as this), and who would actually read it. Or would read it and not make fun of it.
• Once, when I thought all (or some of us) were going to die, and in a fit of kal-ho-na-ho, I mailed a heartfelt farewell-note-of-thanks to my near and dear ones who bother reading their mails, she was one of the few* who did not criticize my silliness/ mock at me for it. Although, knowing her, she may never have read it? Oh, and the fact that she was on that special list! :-)
• I remember her cellphone number and her landline number from Class X (both of which still haven’t changed) It’s probably the only cell number I remember from THAT time. Simply coz I must have dialed it a thousand million times, years back. Or a thousand million more.
• We are not very intimate and don’t ‘keep in touch’. How many people like that would I write a mile long blogpost for? Very few, Ma’am. Very few.
• In an honest-to-God moment, I have to say: I always felt that she was one friend who had been often been mean (hurtful), unfair and whimsical towards me ( She may never have realized/agreed with that). And nonetheless, here I sit, eulogizing my F.R.I.E.N.D. I love her from the bottom of my heart and wouldn’t ever have traded her for anyone (my sensitivity be damned!) for all the richness she has brought me in those wonder years.

Happy Birthday, Arps! This post (right down to the font) expresses my heartfelt wishes for the phenomenal character that is you!

Live long, and prosper.

Signing Off..

Phoebe_Moony :-)