I am on a roll alright. Two posts in a single night! I haven’t done this in a long time now. Have the concentration/energy to do it today: list down a few realizations about myself. Clearly, this is a Thinking Out Loud exercise for the blogger, with little regard for the value add for the reader.
· I get ticked off.
o Off of people, mind you. People I might often choose to adopt into my circle against common “wisdom”, prescription, majority vote or whatever- coz there is always something about them- something unique in character, that draws affection/ respect or whatever from me. I guess most of us do this. This section of people may or may not be your dearest ones, but you count them as folks you happily know. But, over time , I have realized one thing about myself (maybe it’s universal?): While most of the times, It takes a lot of small things for one to ‘approve’ or ‘disapprove’ of someone… sometimes just one small thing they may do or say – might be the turn off. This might be something very minor or unimportant by normal standards, but that “uh –uh” moment/ feeling is enough to change things forever. “Change” may not necessarily mean a permanent SNAP-OFF, but a simple zing-gone-missing. Suddenly, your gut ‘disapproves’ and while relationship may not apparently change much, the warmth goes away. The essence is sapped. I can only guess that the GUT is not whimsical (I strongly believe this) – subconsciously, it studies a lot of facts over time and generates response/ feedback based on calculations. Once the gut gives a tick-off signal, the sentiment, approach- whatever, towards the person, changes forever. Regardless of what transpires later, what evidence or instances of intent contrary to the one displayed earlier, they present you with- the imprint of that one moment of truth, does not fade away. You may forgive, forget and move on, but, you really ‘move on’ – in terms of an emotional distance never to be bridged again. That’s perfectly fine I guess. (I swear by the power/wisdom of the GUT FEEL). Only, one must consciously try to make sure that this does not become a prejudice towards these people, spilling over to unrelated situations, drawing unfair responses from you. I guess.. that’s how I reckon it should work.
· I LOVE MS Office 2007.
o Seriously, I LOVE it. Got it on my laptop again a few days back, and have been gleefully just playing around with it. I LOVE it. Just adore the finish, the functionalities, the look, the feel- everything! Notice I am blogging again- rather passionately. I guess it has more to do with my love for MS Word 2007, than for blogging! MS Office 2007, I missed ya :)
· I sincerely believe in GUT Feel
o Believe you me, the GUT is not about a random, mood-based response. The GUT functions on calculations, logic and wisdom founded in a quick analysis of millions and millions of previous data points. So, while in the short term you might feel that the gut is advising contrary to obvious logic, it ain’t coz it’s stupid and random, but coz it has taken the immediate data point in the context of the millions of previous data points –some of which, your conscious brain may not even have recorded, for the purpose of decision making. Now, I am not saying The Gut is always correct- am just saying that it makes sense too. As for me, I always go by my gut. Yes- it might be wrong, but so can the cold logic based decision. At least doing what my gut tells me, makes me at peace inside.
· I suck at Time Management/ Management
o What can I say- My infamous two years of I – Hate- MBA cribbing had less to do with the faults with an MBA course and more with my issues with the art of Management. Actually, there is just one issue about that: I SUCK at it.
· Sleep
o I *need* to have time to just sleep.. for hours on end. Wake-up, not feel anxious/ guilty about sleeping “excessively” ..and royally, go back to sleeping. Only, I don’t want to deal with realization of the loss of time when I wake up eventually. Wish we could simply hold the hands of the clock for sleep. That would be awesome! I swear by the Holy HP that I truly believe in Sleep as the best form of meditation ( I once remember reading this in an interview with the Dalai Lama in Reader’s Digest, during my class x boards or some… when I was constantly dealing with guilty pangs of over-sleeping. I have respected him ever since!) But then, who can deny it? Sleep is God’s way of talking to us.. who wouldn’t agree? :D
· I have a fear of the sound of a ringing phone
o You probably won’t believe it. I can’t explain it very well myself. But I am SCARED of a phone ringing. Everytime it does ring, I wish it would STOP ringing. Every-single-time! Deep, deep, deep down- I hate telephonic conversations. I would avoid every single one, if I had my way. Only, I am not sure I would survive resultant loneliness and a-socialization to that extent! I am sure there is some kind of psychological explanation for this – some kind of insecurity, complex or something? The ringtone therefore makes me so uncomfortable- whenever I receive a call, my instant response is to first turn off the ringer..take a relief of a few seconds’ silence, and then attend the call.
Matters are further compounded when the phone rings when I am asleep. It kills me- seriously, I could be murdered very cleanly by using this psychological weapon: put me to sleep and keep ringing the phone. I keep crying inside (recoiling in discomfort)- wishing for someone to turn off the ringer, and the phone to never ring again. Thankfully, I am a sound sleeper, and many times, do not even register the sound of my phone ringing. But when I can- Oh Dear God! Help!
There are just 3-4 people in my family, whose calls do not evoke such a psychological response- AT ALL. Among friends, there have been just three: Shruti S. and Arpita during school days (And I’ll have to tick off Arpita too- in the last few months of School :D ) and Mannat- in Grad and till date :-)
Everybody else- Scary!
I would always prefer a face to face communication or SMS-ing (used to be a rather passionate SMS-er) over telecon. Anyday!
· I do not like to venture opinion about anything/anyone unless I truly feel I have studied the concept/ situation/ person adequately, and understand it/them fully.
o Not to say that I may not have gotten it all wrong. My understanding might be flawed (I would hope not, though!) but unless I am sure I have an analysis based on understanding, I would never like to pass observations, judgments etc . Unless it’s mandatory: like an exam, or some job demands. And mind you, I do not understand half the things in the world. Roads being one of them (ref: post below). Something I am highly uncomfortable with: people asking me to tell them my “understanding”/ “opinion” on someone I have barely met. This happens often now that I am in HR- as an HR professional; you are supposed to have that “eye” for people. Quick assessments, based on those limited interactions are like a reflection of how good an HR person you are. I religiously and consciously avoid reaching these quick assessments, and would rather rely on Psychometrics results, objective data on behavioural traits and attitudes – thrown up in detailed interviews etc to reach those conclusions. And of course, Gut Feel. Incidentally, my Gut has not responded so actively in these situations- coz, like I said- it is based on subconscious processing of huge amounts of data and frankly, I donot think I could have built that data base in studying human behavior – in just 23 years. I am sure 5-10 years down the line, the Gut would be more responsive, and I would possess the ‘people reading’ skill too. But until then, spare me the agony of making smart observations that spring out of nothing but woolly guesswork.
Boy, have I had a nice time doing this today! :) Three Cheers to Blogger. Three Cheers, MS Word 2007. I love youy guyz :D
