I need a new, blue Pen.

Scene:
Lights shut out almost everywhere but one cabin in the office: The ‘Aych Are’ One. Me sitting in another typical meeting with the Seniormost HR Boss, ready to have like a Zillion questions answered (Yeah, now even he knows my queries are always something like a Zillion. But if you tell them, it’s a zillion, they won’t entertain you in the first place – so when seeking an appointment, I always term it as, a ‘few issues to be discussed”- and as our discussion progresses, I not-so-cleverly keep appending “one-more-thing” to the list. He has now Christened me One-More-Thing, a feeble joke which he good-naturedly shared with his deputy- an aunty whose response to my physical manifestation in her vicinity is met with- a wince, a blind-eye, and a polite, cold smile- in that order. Needless to state, her response to the joke was a hesitant “mmmm.. haa haa”- a rather poor attempt at camouflaging her real sentiments towards me (read: telepathic-murder))

Back to the meeting: All my papers, files, notes – were all in place ( *sigh* I am forced to be kinda well-organized now, coz I guess it doesn’t augur well for other people’s patience, when I take up 10 minutes out of 15 in sifting through sheets and sheets of paper, trying to dig out the relevant one. No, no one has really complained about it. I just figured that my un-corporate ways are a cause of major embarrassment to many co-workers- associated directly -and unavoidably- with me. ).
So, I take up issues one by one ..and get into furious notemaking.
Boss- talking in full flow, rather abruptly, lets out a gasp of surprise, “Ma’am, your pen’s leaking!”
Me: (Studying my hands curiously) “Yeah..” (flashing a sheepish hee-hee-tell-me-about-it grin to him) … “It’s been leaking since morning.”
Boss: (blinks at my blood-stained hands. Yeah, did I mention the pen was a Red one?) “Why do you use a Red pen, ma’am?”

Now, this was really asked in a manner of sincere curiosity. I was perhaps expected to furnish some response that would attribute such inappropriate choice of ink for a meeting, to some sound personal philosophy, or signature style. Hope is eternal, remember? I could imagine him telling his tender heart ( much in the all izzz welll manner) … “there’s got to be some rational explanation. We chose well. Can’t have made a mistake in recruiting her, no.”

Talk about denial :P

What could I say? Why was I using a red pen? (let’s not mention the leaking bit of it for a while, just the INKing- Shocking Blood Red!)
‘Sir, red is the color of Blood. Blood is symbolic of thriving life. I am alive- and expression in red ink is my celebration of that fact.
Aren’t you proud of how vibrant, brimming with life, I am?’
OR
‘Sir, red is the heart. Heart fosters Love. Ergo, Red is Love. Valentine’s day coming up.. u know? I’m leaking with looouuuv for my office-kind’.

Me: “Noo.. I don’t use a red pen. I am just using one toay- coz I couldn’t find any other.”

Note: Seriously. As usual, I have mysteriously lost or broken ALL my decent pens- official and personal. I had none which would have both of the attributes- a solid body, and flowing ink- Enough to let me write with it.

Boss: “Ohkayy…”( in a tone of confused disappointment)

Interestingly, I just discovered how the words I use in a manner of casual explanation, can have unanticipated consequences/ impact.
While conveying our supplier’s message (in effect, quoting his response), I said something to the effect that he had added some xyz clause to “disincentivise” such and such thing.



Boss: (finding the latter’s response unreasonable, responding in an I’ll-see-him-in-the-court tone ) “…what does he mean, he wants ‘to disincentivise’ it..“

Me: (damage control) “Er.. Sir, he didn’t use the word ‘disincentivise’! I used it – to explain what he said!”

Again, don’t sue me. I know that the word ‘disincentivize’ perhaps does not exist in the dictionary. It’s one of those home-made terms that I use to support my expression. And I like it :D

Boss: (mellowing down..) ..
Me: (Feeling guilty that I’d unwittingly misquoted the bloke) – “Yessir, he was merely making a point that this policy of theirs is to serve as a deterrent to such-and-such-thing.”
Boss: (testing smile) “Did he say “deterrent”, Shruti?” ( In an I’ll-use-your-statement-in-the-court-of-law tone)
Me: (another sheepish grin)- “Nope. That’s Me again.”
(finally deciding to shut up, as all my verbal arguments were only hurting his cause further)

Need I mention that my hands got bloodier as the discussion progressed? When the Meeting ended, I did look like someone who had committed a full fledged murder with naked hands.

Boss: “Ma’am, your pen IS leaking!”

How does this parting remark help, Sire? Hadn’t we established this fact already? **

Me ( using my red fingers to carefully pick up the contract papers I had got initialized by him, and which could not be blood- stained when presented for signatures before the Senior-er Boss.):
“Yessir. I ..will.. take ..care of it.”

I am not made for neat places. Seriously.

** In F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Susan, Ross’ ex-wife’s partner effectively summed up the futility of repeating some unpleasant fact -in denial. Once, when Ross’ ex-wife has recently had their baby, the conversation veers to breast milk. When Phoebe, and Susan display knowledge with regards to its taste,
Ross- appalled- repeats furiously… “You’ve tasted it? You’ve tasted it… oh.. You’ve tasted it..!”
Susan (enjoying the moment with a smug calmness) : “You know you can keep saying that, but it won’t stop being true!”