Ajooba-osis Dissected :D

PS. Terribly sorry about creating a whole new blog yet again after having been dead on the others for so long!

Okayy people, as I embark on a new chapter in my life- ‘The Professional’, here is a new blog, dedicated solely to capturing the misadventures in my professional journey. Again, most of this will not make sense to most of you, esp: since it contains a lot of insider jokes, concepts etc etc .. but I guess I had to chronicle it before everything vaporized into thin air. Unfortunately, those who are a part of this story, are not exactly blog-readers… So I guess this space is going to be pretty much about me doing both the ends - writing and reading …

Most of what has transpired in the past two months has definitely been worth recording in print :D Unfortunately, I couldn’t gather enough energy or patience to write down any updates before this(click here for details) (and trust me that’s a LOT of fun data lost! :P ) …

This post captures the goings on in my life at present, in a slightly unconventional fashion. Let’s just remind ourselves that I live in a place codenamed “Ajoobapur” these days, at a SOO-gar unit ( yeah, pls note that it is SOO as in SU-doku and not ‘Shoe’ ;) ). You will find me talking a lot of weird stuff such as Gannas (our raw material being sugarcane), MOMO’s ( not the edible ones, no!- sssh ..it’s kinda a code, will tell you in private) … And oh! by the way, I do codename anything and everything these days.

Anywho...read on …

Disease: Ajooba-osis

Causal factor: Prolonged exposure to soo-gar plant-life, at a remote, isolated location surrounded by nothing but ganna fields for kilometers on end. Found more commonly amongst innocent, low maintenance varieties of Homo Sapiens Species, belonging to the S- Grade (for example, the likes of Shruti, Soumyadeep, Samkit) ;)

Symptoms

You know you have been Ajooba-fied when:

• You find yourself humming B-grade songs that reflect a pitiable craving for the simple pleasures of living in a city/ ‘shahar’.

Case in point – One boring day, on our routine walk from the guesthouse to the godforsaken plant, one of the patients burst out abruptly (without any prior warning!), “Oye hoye .. yeh kudiyan shahar-undiya!!” … As I shot him looks of horror and concern (Oh, he was such a normal, happy-go-lucky boy before being Ajoobafied!) the patient then suddenly regained his senses and refused to acknowledge or discuss the incident that had occurred a few seconds ago.

• You find yourself aggressively (and humorously!), engaging in endless and pointless discussions about the future of the company, that of your friends and of course, your own future, with ALL the hours and hours of talks ending in the same brilliantly fruitful conclusion:

“chodo yaar…. Mood kharab mat karo.. abhi enjoy karo.. KAL KISNE DEKHA!!” ;)

• You genuinely start believing (and happily telling anyone around) that EVERYTHING in your life- is totally ‘MAST’.

So, be it the sad and scarce ganne ke khet, or the only A.C restaurant in Shahjahanpur… the much hyped water park in the neighboring city of Bareilly, or the countless number of fatal accidents that take place on the connecting highway … if, in your opinion, sabkuch ‘mast-hai mast-hai mast-hai mast-hai’.. seriously, see your doc ASAP!

• You wake up in the morning, walk up to your office.. speed up to punch in your card before the siren blows.. check your mails on the desktop (read all the mail forwards diligently, and forward the ones you find most mast to your friends/ colleagues.. order tea, drink tea.. check the status of the share market… order tea, drink tea… crack a few mast ganna jokes with your equally mast friends..laugh heartily ..order tea, drink tea… head for lunch….head towards your room for a power nap… repeat the same ritual post lunch, until the time-out siren blows.. punch out.. head for volleyball (with the fierce passion of a veteran sportsperson).. head for dinner… go for a pre-bed walk.. and as you yawn .. you pounce upon any young new trainees walking by, and brag/grumble about the “workload” in this otherwise totally mast place!

• You find your emotions acquiring the stability of a drunk yo-yo: from rolling up with laughter one minute, to stomping your feet/ shaking your fists in confused anger in the next!

If you notice your friends walking two steps ahead of you, and maintaining a respectful, additional two feet’s sideways distance … andd if they frequently duck out of your way everytime you turn around to say something, seriously!, hop on to the next Shaheed Express and get your civil life back!

Disclaimer: This example is purely fictional and any resemblance to any person (living or dead) is purely unintentional. (A certain SIR may please note this :P )

· You greet people (of all ages, colors and kinds) with an extra-enthusiastic “Yo! Baiiibeee!!” or “Hey, Guyzz” instead of the decent, tried and tested formula of, ‘hello/hi’.

This particular condition is termed as Yo-ification, and the good news is that it is totally curable. A daily dosage of 3 Yo-free hours everyday, for two weeks. Additional avoidance of its carrier organism, ‘blooming BUD’ would help in faster recovery :D ;)

And lastly… you are definitely infected with this deadly disease IF,

• Your heart breaks into a zillion pieces upon being told that you may not have to spend 6 months in Ajooba-land after all! While most normal people would hug the bringer of such awesome news, you may find yourself choking on your own words .. “Oh noooo.. WHYYY!!” ..

(of course, the fact that you would be relocated all ALL ALONE, to ‘Looney’- a crazier step-sister of this AJAB pLACE, is enough to make anyone cry!)

Cure:

The antidote is simple: De-Ajoobafication. While this is certainly a long-drawn procedure, the disease is almost fully curable. The treatment consists of relocating the patient to a distance of minimum 600 k.m, in a place which is everything that Ajooba-land is not: Polluted, noisy, crowded, pacy, and HOME! The place is better identified as Delhi, for most of the patients. If left untreated in time, the disease could result in consequences that are fatal… ( naah, not for the victims, but for the powers-that-be, lovingly referred to as their MOMOs!)

Guess that’s it for now.. not sure when I’ll be posting next .. You people take care of yourself .. All the very best in your new jobs, endeavours etc etc ( this is esp: for my USMLE kids.. hope the prep’s coming along fine!!)

On a parting note….

naaaaaaah…. I hate the parting!

Chalo,

Cheers, n God Bless :)