Sunday, June 10, 2012

LOSING MY RELIGION

“Ohhhh.. Life… is Bigger.. It’s bigger than You,
and You are not Me.. ….
…..
That’s Me in the corner..
that’s Me in the spotlight,
Losing my Religion..
Trying to keep up with You,
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool.. “

This beautiful song by R.E.M speaks to me of someone who is struggling with a feeling of loss of faith in their own faith! It is a lament of their attempt to ‘keep up’ with the expectations of someone from whom they sought acceptance; someone who did not understand that the speaker is different and unique, to be valued for who they are (and who no one else can be!)  Having tried to gain acceptance by adopting the faith of their object of desire (and consequently, abandoning their faith/value system in Life), the speaker feels hurt, lost and foolish: They are coming to terms with the realization that life is BIG- Big enough for everyone’s faiths, however different, to co-exist, and too big for them to alter the truth of their being for fitting into someone’s scheme of things.  Someone who cannot protect and own the fundamental truth of Who they have always been (proud of), can never do justice to a Truth ‘borrowed’ from another. They are obviously not accepted by those who laid down the required specifications of their Truth, and now, having lost their own Truth (Guiding Light) as well, they are left groping in the dark (as though blinded); Resignation and resentment set in.
Organizations/their Managers often define in rigidly explicit ink (printed on paper or on the walls of mind), the Standard Specifications for a “Good *Whatever-organizational-Role* In Our System”. As though, these critical roles are each a kind of exquisite dish, with a precise “recipe”. We just need the right ingredients (people), and cook them right (by training, etc). Our view of these roles may even be likened to that of a customer of a branded product. A particular piece/sample of that product is like the role incumbent/ employee. Each ‘role’ is like the iPod for instance, it has a standard, company verified manual describing what the standard product looks and feels like in perfect condition, and also, instructions on “handling” it well ( ‘Do not place near inflammable material’, “Give a break in usage every 8 hours.. “ -sound like our competencies?).  The quality of a sample (role incumbent/employee) is determined by the degree to which it accurately fits the description in the manual.  Deviations are “defects” which must be corrected; If not, then the sample is to be rejected as unfit for use, and either be ‘repaired’ with training intervention or be replaced with a new one.
Yes, it sounds ridiculous when one puts it like this- almost like a travesty of our very sincere, scientific approach to Talent Development.  I have been, since my student days, an ardent admirer of the concept of Competencies and how they can be used (objectively, measurably) for performance enhancement, by confronting traits that were otherwise thought to be, less external and less mutable.  We desire some non-physical output – such as enhanced Customer Service, High Results Orientation and so forth, and we want this output from all of our different people in these roles. All of them are human beings who have spent the past quarter of their (total) life span doing things in a certain way, for certain reasons. How do you ensure that when you tell them what they are supposed to do for you, they deliver exactly what you wanted? I want a cup of GOOD tea – I study the best cooks (in my view), record their ingredients and procedure down to the last pinch of lemon they add into it with a soft stir and then I repeat exactly what they did.  Bam!  I have my cup of tea!  Yes, can’t go wrong with that one.
Look at, record what the BEST eat, drink, breathe (– grant me poetic license here), speak, prioritize, believe, etc as reflected in their behaviors –which is the only way we get to see their success formula at work. Get your other good people, and hand out the magic formula, the recipe to success! The good cooks, with a proven recipe can never go wrong, can they now?  Yes, they can. There are so many different kinds of good tea. And if you have got a gang of good cooks- the chances that each specializes in a different delicious variety are all the more great! Extending this analogy to a (potential/) business leader, where the fallacy of this logic is revealed even more: Fine, you want a leader who can mobilize their people into delivering results of high order. But telling your potential leaders that they-as as individual- must view their customers, peers, colleagues and juniors in such and such manner, deal with them with such and such sensitivity, that they must add a teaspoonful of salt, followed by 1 cube of sugar and not more than a drop of lemon in all their attitudes/relationships– and then, and only then, will they be considered effective in their roles – I am not comfortable with this idea. Whether or not one is or can be successful in a particular role is a combination of the factors of knowledge/skill and intent of the role incumbent. For sure, a successful recipe helps the cook a great deal in terms of building perspective, reflecting on ideas, but denying them the opportunity to make a new something out of the best ingredients that they bring is like shutting your doors to any new flavors in life. After all, they say that if you want something you have never had before, you will need to do something that has never been done before!
Not to forget that you are telling a human being (coming with his own personal success story of 20 plus years) that they only need to tailor their value system/world view here and there- rip off parts and retain the rest ‘acceptable’ ones and wear the patchwork to look not like an urchin, but a king- a leader. Even if they buy the patchwork theory as their road to success, they will never be able to meet expectations (yours or their own), because a patched up, tailor made soul of a human being can never make for an inspiring leader.
Sure, there are expectations of deliveries from each role- that cannot and MUST not be compromised. If you have hired someone to make tea and they cannot give you a cup of tea you can use- what is the point of having them? Or if they can make excellent coffee and you do not need coffee, all you would want to do is tell them so, and show them the door. No arguments around that!
Also, we definitely need a repository of the best recipes (or a competency framework)– as a guiding strength- for structuring the whole effort of Talent Identification, Development and Evaluation. But I feel a strong discomfort with us getting obsessively infatuated with our ‘recipe’ in all our training and development, performance and potential reviews/ discussions. It is worse when the recipe is not even a uniform result of competency framework within an organization- but each manager (these days, often  a half-baked-people-expert by virtue of having been trained in a few psychometric tools) has their own view of what the best ‘recipe’ is- and hence this constant ‘repair exercise’(supposedly scientific and therefore free from accusations of bias) becomes a sore thumb between managers/management and employees- day in, and day out.
There are a lot of factors that go into making a great leader in any context. Blinded by our passionate obsession with sharpening those that we mistakenly assume are non-negotiable imperatives of a role, we must make sure we do not have an abrasive impact on the corresponding core strengths of an individual.
As I conclude, it strikes me that my issue here is not something that happens only in organizations- such expectations-value misalignment and consequent dissatisfaction happens everyday in all our personal relationships as well- we end up with rigid Ideal Type notions of what someone should do in a role, and constantly struggle with our dissatisfaction with the ‘gaps’: between parents and children, spouses, friends- and even with ourselves! We are so engrossed in discovering and applying the perfect formula for success everywhere- particularly in the others, that, we often lose sight of the foundation of religion they (only they) have and must never lose! Never, ever.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

‘Splits’ Aren’t Easy

Disclaimer: Totally a fictitious story. Totally did not happen to anyone, alive or dead.

*avoids eye contact with MS Word*

So, there was a group of young new recruits (management professionals), on a trip to various locations on Corporate Business Induction. There was just one female in the group, by the way; let’s call her The Girl. The induction went rather smooth, as per plan, for the first blessed 2-3 days, with no ‘accidents’ or notable untoward incidents.

One fine afternoon, however:

The group moved out from one particular regional office (in the outskirts), after hours of gyaan and discussion; Lunch at a famous resort some miles away, beckoned- especially to The Girl, who had always shared a more intimate relationship with Food than with Enlightenment. *Blogger pauses to swallow a mouthful of her aadhi-raat-wali Maggi*

She rushed ahead of the group, towards the vehicle, to grab a comfortable seat (in the initial 3 days, she had enjoyed the prerogative of the co-driver’s seat, by virtue of being The Girl. However, as deceptions never last long, she was soon recognized for lack of Lady-Likeness, and brazenly asked to sit squashed in the passengers’ seat- always with too many passengers in it. The Co-driver’s seat, it was established, was to go to the healthier ones. Oh, those sweet days, when she was not counted amongst the ‘healthier’ ones. What? Empathy is an important skill!)

As the others bid farewell to their hosts, and proceeded towards the vehicle, in the second of a divine moment, she noticed, to her horror, a split in the arm of her crisp, relatively new, full-sleeved Formal Shirt. Like a patch of benign tumor, it was there. Proud and visible, but, only just. And so far, visible only to the one who’d know to look. The Girl, usually slow in all responses to everyday stimuli, swung into action, and excused herself to one side. Looking out for some shop (any shop) in the almost-remote area, she discovered one, and hurriedly purchased a roll of thread and a needle, walked back into the vehicle, with as much dignity as she could muster. Note that since half her energy was invested in keeping the tumor out of public view, there wasn’t much dignity mustered.

So, they reached the resort, and starving souls- all, walked right into the restaurant. As soon everybody took a seat, she excused herself and rushed to the restroom with only her bag, and prayers on her badly ripped person. And once in there, she got to work, like she never had. They made the Needle and the thread still the same as they did many years back, when she was a little girl, making homely dresses for Barbie and Skipper (that the spoilt videshi brats would never wear).

It was a huge place- the resort; half way through the task, quite a few minutes had expired, and her phone rang. One of the group members wanted to know where she had disappeared to- it was a small group, and ‘rushing out to shop silly, with an entire group (including an elderly gentleman) waiting on her, for official lunch, was not the best way to bond’ He conveyed something to this effect. In very different words. She drew a long breath, and, as all of us who must take an unavoidable call in the Oh-so-obvious-echo-walls of a loo, she shut her eyes and muttered something cogent in response, before hanging up. Okay, she encouraged herself..almost done! A few more minutes, and this will be as good as it can get! And a few minutes later, the patch was (shabbily) stitched, no doubt..but horror of horrors: it was patched inside out! :-O

As a hypothetical tear rolled down her dramatic cheek, she got another (more polite) call of reminder: Erm.. “Where the *heaven* had she disappeared?” Only, they didn’t mention Heaven. She swallowed the shame of another Oh-so-obviously-loo-voice, and solemnly resolving to never forgive the Ironing lady for scorching her shirt (If she’d wanted it scorched, she’d have done it herself! This was stuff The Girl was good at!). She undid the effort of the first 10 minutes, and 15 more minutes of agony and an sms beep (‘where are u?!’) later, she had managed to pull the rip together. It was not the most professional wear, but, at least not something for which she could be charged with ‘misconduct’. In an illogical act of compensation, she diligently rubbed each of her feet against the legs- in a bid to make her forever-unpolished and soiled- shoes sparkle. Not a bad job- she heaved a big sigh of relief. Drenched in sweat, she stepped out (sheepishly, for she had been in for almost 30 minutes). As she dragged herself to the sink, she did a double take: an unfamiliar face jumped out at her, in the mirror: Behind her, on the floor, sat one of the cleaning ladies.

This one, looked like she meant business. And it was not mops.

Throwing the zapped Girl a look that was suspicion, accusation, disgust, and tch-tch all rolled into one set of deadly eyeballs, she stared hard.

Finally, The Girl, dripping sweat and water (and shame) blurt out a cry: Kya hai?! (What is it?)

The lady, employing her best I-know-what-you-did-last-Summer tone, retorted:

‘Mujhe pata hai aap andar kya kar rahe the’ (I know what you were doing in there.)

The Girl: ???

The Lady, continued, triumphantly, like one who’s just caught a thief red-handed :

Aap Cigarette Pee rahe the na! (I know you were smoking a cigarette)

The Girl: .. (tugging at her freshly-sown arm).. !!!! :-O ??

The Lady confided conspirationally: Aap jaise bahut Madam aati hain yahan pe, cigarette peene ke liye! Tch tch.

(Lots of young women like you sneak in here, to smoke a cigarette. Tch tch!)

The Girl: (recovering from her stupor, rather stupidly): Kya?! Nahi Aunty… main toh.. (Pointing idiotically at her patched up sleeve) yeh fat gaya tha.. main see rahi thi..dekho! (An implied, “Cigarettes! Haww.Chii.” )

(What?! Noo, Lady!.. this had gotten ripped off, I was stitching it back together!)

The Bourgeois-Proletariat divide be damned! It was very important that no elderly lady run around with the idea of The Girl sneaking around to smoke. ‘Non-smoker’ was the only highlight of her otherwise pathetic personal-resume.

The Lady seemed to consider that. Or maybe not. But The Girl had to rush. And rush she did.

Oh, she was not so hungry anyway, she told the table, drowning the sound of a rumbling tummy.

And yes, the little shops outside were fascinating enough.

For anyone would rather be remembered by their newly-acquainted colleagues as The-One-With-The-Bad-Table-Manners than The-One With-The-Wardrobe-Malfunction.

The blogger was reminded of this story, on a completely unrelated note the other day: The Girl was reported by some Metro travelers, swiping her card madly at each of the three exit machines, for good five minutes. None would let her pass. A group of eye-witnesses report that she did finally reach the conclusion that her company-access swipe card may not work on Metro machines. She did not look very happy about the eye-witnesses though. They did not bother to cover up their *pointing and Ha-ha-ha-ha*

The blogger, lately unsettled in her head, was scouting for some stories to strongly distract herself. And this was the one that popped up into her mind.

******* Written last night, posted on March 20, 2012.

Ron

Friday, March 16, 2012

March 15, 2012

March 15, 2012

Arpita Lakhotia’s FB Wall:

Shruti : Happy Birthday Arpita Lakhotia :-) May God shower the choicest of blessings on u .. Cheers!

Arpita: What? I don't get a blog this year? Not even a lengthy paragraph long wish!? *sulks in a corner*

Well Arps, Let me share something with you. For ages now, I have almost completely lost the strength to put my thoughts/feelings down. Even my messages/posts etc on FB are only 5% of what I post on the walls of my mind. With age catching up (*cough cough, adjusts spectacles on her wrinkled nose*) my memory is not as decent as it used to be, and I do fear sometimes, that I will have not much material to relive the moments of my life, if this spell of pen-less-ness prolongs.

However, it IS your birthday and my baby is not here today (so I have some me-time) AND it is a weekend (T.G.I.F!! is the only modern day concept that I can actually relate with.. I Loooove Fridays !) AND your comment is so aww-layy- evoking :P, so here goes my birthday wish-post for you:

Few Random yet Relevant Reasons Why Arpita Lakhotia is on my F.R.I.E.N.D list:

  • We made many rare discoveries together very early in life. E.g,
    • ‘Faeces’ (yani Potty) actually has a singular form! It is: ‘Faex’
      • (Source: Pradeep’s Biology Textbook)
    • Highly qualified and fancy-feathered people are not always up to the hype
      • (Source: Our Umbridge’s disappointing delivery in her subject matter. And her being a disappointing bit of matter herself )
  • She was the only one who would actually find me Chandler-Bing funny. Even when I was just being sad (dukhi wala sad) Case in point: A scholastic Book Fair, I come across something in a book, walk up to her, offer a handshake and say, “Hello, I’m Mike, your new friendly dairy owner” and *squeeze her hand*. She bursts out laughing Mu-ha-ha-ha.. like the book said she was supposed to. It was a social experiment I conducted: Every other person I later tried it on, responded to my squeezing, with a dispassionate “now what?” *!!!*
  • She sleeps like a log, but is not lazy. I can manage only the first part of the twin-pronged-talent, and I do admire her for the second.
  • She loooves being with people. She is connected to everyone. If Nokia could use her, she would be their brand ambassador; the hum(an)alogical- parallel to Nokia Mobile. (Connecting People) Why I like that about her, is that it’s perhaps the only reason we became f.r.i.e.n.d.s.
  • She is one of the FEW* people I know in real life who love Harry Potter for the right reasons or have the right feelings/ thoughts about its various details!

( I mean, why did no one else ever feel indignant about Harry and Ron being selfish and mean towards Hermione- the sincerest and most self-less friend among all three! )

  • We co-read the first 55 pages “Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix”. My copy (the first to be delivered in our town). And I let her risk us co-read it, during lunch (propped up precariously between us, and Rajma Chawal)
  • She confessed to having read my HP-part 2 in her special reading spot (ring a bell, Arps?) :D . It’s a crime I could not have tolerated from any other batchmate.
  • She is one of the FEW* people I know, for whom I would love to dedicate a written thought (such as this), and who would actually read it. Or would read it and not make fun of it.
  • Once, when I thought all (or some of us) were going to die, and in a fit of kal-ho-na-ho, I mailed a heartfelt farewell-note-of-thanks to my near and dear ones who bother reading their mails, she was one of the few* who did not criticize my silliness/ mock at me for it. Although, knowing her, she may never have read it? Oh, and the fact that she was on that special list! :-)
  • I remember her cellphone number and her landline number from Class X (both of which still haven’t changed) It’s probably the only cell number I remember from THAT time. Simply coz I must have dialed it a thousand million times, years back. Or a thousand million more.
  • We are not very intimate and don’t ‘keep in touch’. How many people like that would I write a mile long blogpost for? Very few, Ma’am. Very few.
  • In an honest-to-God moment, I have to say: I always felt that she was one friend who had been often been mean (hurtful), unfair and whimsical towards me ( She may never have realized/agreed with that). And nonetheless, here I sit, eulogizing my F.R.I.E.N.D. I love her from the bottom of my heart and wouldn’t ever have traded her for anyone (my sensitivity be damned!) for all the richness she has brought me in those wonder years.

Happy Birthday, Arps! This post (right down to the font) expresses my heartfelt wishes for the phenomenal character that is you!

Live long, and prosper.

Signing Off..

Phoebe_Moony :-)

Monday, December 26, 2011

SITCOMS (Part I)

For long I have been meaning to place on record, my absolute love and admiration for some of the good SITCOMS I have grown up watching (Since I am far from being fully-grown, yes, it is Work-in-Progress). Tonight is one of those moments when I have finally gotten around to putting down something very close to my heart- in concrete words. There is a sense of gratitude in my appreciation (which will follow in the lines below)- as I feel I owe a substantial chunk of my “happy hours” in life, to those sitcom-hours.

Laughter may or may not be the BEST medicine, but it is definitely one of the best ways to live any moment. For me, any person, thing or phenomenon that brings me a moment of pure, warm and unadulterated “hahaha”, deserves (and receives- in spirit, at least) a blessing and a heartfelt Respect! I think this is an art that while well paid (sure – they get enough monetary gains, once the sitcom tastes decent success), is still less appreciated. Creating such masterpieces is a rare product of genius and hardwork, on the part of the cast as well as the crew. And it’s definitely not as easy as they make it seem. So, from the bottom of my heart: Respect! *Tips Hat*

I want to talk about a few of these Sitcoms (in descending order of rank). Nah! Forget the ranking- it’s rather unfair.

  1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S

It’s difficult to think of FRIENDS as a sitcom at all. Despite having researched the actors’ personal lives inside out (having rooted for Jennifer Aniston during the ugly Jolie-Pitt phase, and seriously OMG-ing over Matthew Perry’s drug rehab story), one can never think of those people- as actors on T.V, who were ‘paid’ to act out a story. No! They were, and will forever be Rachel, Joey, Ross, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe- who sat with us in our Central Perk, on that couch across that seemed a part of our drawing room, and then went back to a blue- apartment that was pretty much a friend’s house for us. They were all young, innocent, textbook best-friends in a playground- who were put into an adult-life like situation, and made the most of it. They practically grew with us (or the other way around!), we loved them and talked/ thought of them like they were our own close buddies. Growing up in those years, you could never be lonely or friendless. These 6 friends were with you- always, and forever. And since they were friends of all your friends, life could not have been better! Though reviled even in their homeland by some conservative sections for things like “sleeping too much with each other and with everyone in general”, the F.R.I.E.N.D.S were innocent and swore by their friendship (which beautifully never got marred, despite the angle of non-platonic love developing every now and then). Their stories were not so much about “relationships”, “life”, or “friendship” … they were about “wink-wink, ha-ha… witty-witty-snap-snap..”- often loud, crass and slapstick humor. And yet, they taught us a lot of things about relationships, life and friendship; They did! Each one of the actors was remarkable- they brought a unique quality to the character- and there was no way in hell that you could imagine the actor being a person other than the character, and not a F.R.I.E.N.D of the others. The dialogues were funny in context- the script was crisp, and geared to tickle your funny bone, the delivery was memorable and perfectly timed, and while they only tried to make you laugh, they built a small cozy place in your heart and mind. That they became really good F.R.I.E.N.D.S in real life too- helped of course. Unlike all sitcoms since its time, no single character carried the show. All six were significant parts of a huge jigsaw puzzle that fit together. Perhaps Phoebe could be identified as one person with the least “screen/script significance”, even she had her distinct storyline and brand value ( her guitar, her songs were a legend within a legend). Did you know that Lisa Kudrow actually wrote those songs herself? :-)

There are a godzillion memorable lines and moments from FRIENDS (for there was a time when we would carry out entire conversations with each other from those scripts!); will list down a few random ones :

- “Joey, do they know, that we know, that they know about us?”

- “Joey’s apple”

- Emma just said her first word!... What did she say Rach… She said… Galeeba…Erm..that’s not a word .. What?! Sure it is..Okay… what does it mean? I dunno ALL the words!... Alright..make a sentence with it.. okay… ‘Emma just said Galeeba!’

- ‘My Boss wants to buy my baby!’

- ‘ Oh.. I’m sorry, did my back hurt your knife?’

- ‘ Say Ross…I got a science question... If the Homo Sapiens, were, in fact, Homo Sapiens… Is that why they’re extinct?” “Joey… homo sapiens are ‘people’”.. ‘Hey! I’m not being judgmental here!..’

I tuned in to Friends when I was happy, sad, tearful, cheerful- and it always made me Laugh Out Loud. Even if I were to watch it all alone – and even though I knew the dialogues off the top of my tongue. The FRIENDS phenomenon was magic. And we have all been spellbound, and will remain so forever.

When we were passing out of School, Arpita gifted me a poster that she had made. Herself. It had Fat Monica on the left and Slim Monica on the right. On the top, it said, F.R.I.E.N.D.S through… J

At JMC, one of the first ever gifts I received from Mannat was a small, F.R.I.E.N.D.S ka photo-in-a- hand-made frame. I looked over at my desk by chance (having not really looked looked in ages) and I also found a F.R.I.E.N.D.S musical birthday card propped-up there.. We are much older now. Some school would say, we’re old now. We have seen/known many more since. And yet, unlike FRIENDS, they have all been merely SITCOMS.

And I will talk about them next.