Of Food chains & Yardsticks
Warning: Another “Random: mixed bag” post- Do not try to dissect the logic of the Title.
Mayur and I were discussing yesterday how dormant our blogs have been. (To the extent that he had even forgotten the name of his own :D ) Well, as I told him, and again told Meggs today, I must have written like ten thousand blogposts since my last one - all in my mind (some even in my miles-long gchat conversations :-) ). There have been way too many things, quite a few emotions, quite a few new people, situations etc - that made my head launch into a story-telling mode at a supersonic speed internally. As always, my typing capabilities/motivations fail to keep up with the pace of thoughts inside my head- and that’s kind of annoying.
Without digressing, I’ll hit straight at the two thoughts that have been on my mind for long now (developing over the years) : 1) Foodchains and 2) Yardsticks
Yardsticks:
The other day, I was with some one I completely respect and really adore- always have and always will. A Highly ‘successful’ (rich, recognized) professional , who is also a very honest, compassionate and essentially a good human being, they (gender disclosure avoided) were meeting us right after a ‘reunion’ with some old (school/college) pals. After say, 25-35 whole years. Their face beaming with the joy of nostalgia, from having revisited the lanes of beautiful memories, I could totally appreciate what happy emotions their mind must be filled with- as they told us about some of their friends. Until, they said something that disturbed me a bit (the momentarily revisited innocence of youth wearing off, replaced by the less wholesome arrogance of worldly-wise-ness ) They said something to this effect, “it was interesting though..almost everyone was less than keen to talk about their professional lives … {insinuating that most did not have MUCH to talk about- except a couple of ‘winners’ like them-self} “almost scared to venture there.. they just kept going back to other topics” *flashing a smile of victory-almost-threatening to border-on-disregard-for their once ranks-no-thanks buddies*
Now, granted of course that everyone lets their hair/ their guard etc down with close ones at least..to bare the innermost thoughts- good or bad. Still, I found myself wondering… (though not articulating it aloud) – Really?? Are you really so smug about having supposedly outdone your peers in the race for success in life? And how exactly? Fatter paychecks? Bigger house(s)? Bigger titles? Fancier Awards and other insignia of professional achievement? No arguments that any of those other things would logically be considered as a feather in your cap. But is that all you think there is, to life- your life and that of others? (Deep down, I am sure they know it’s not!)
Did you find out if some of the non-remarkable looking (perhaps less expressive/ boastful?) buddies have had a more wholesome personal life (Or even a rewarding work-life for that matter-something of their liking/disposition, different from your own)? Or been a better friend, guide, parent, child, community member- simply by having been present, which you- despite your best intentions, may not have managed to? I am not saying that’s what happened. Just that, you don’t know an iota of how rich someone’s life story has been, unless you really know what it has been indeed. You do not really know if net-net, in life, they have had more moments of contented happiness, than you have- for whatever reasons. Or you two may have different yardsticks for success– although you are free to use your own, to discreetly measure the success of the other one.
But, in every society, people constantly over-indulge in this frivolous exercise. And it is this over-indulgence that I find most annoying.
To each one, his own. Didn’t the wise men say so?
It’s funny how this tendency creeps into the way most people raise children, dictate their goals, define their idea of success - imposing upon them, an inheritance of their own aspirations, their ambition and their grudges with life. Consequently, everyone gets chained in this race, by their own doing, constantly be-grudging the ones ahead of them in the race and hence, mocking at the ones behind them to relieve the pain of losing out to someone else. No one knows which one of them, is going to die with/-out a song on their lips and love by their side- only when perhaps one can really say if they are dying a happy person. Life is not one big common race that is finished for all together when the whistle blows- and the winners declared. Everyone steps out at their own time- having run their own course. You cannot simply outrun the others and win the race. Or let’s just say, you could do better by focusing on your own time-(out).
The race- one ahead of the other, brings me to the second thought: Foodchains
Foodchains develop in every distinct group – wherein creatures come together- working towards a set of collective goals (survival, success), furthering a subset of individual goals. Every ecosystem has a foodchain, and so does every society/organization. By definition, a Foodchain has the members of the group arranged in a hierarchy; in the human foodchains, those who possess greater power, control over societal resources are placed above the ones who possess the same in lesser degree. Hence, at the bottom of the pyramid, the power, control, resources may be zero or negative, while the top layer is loaded with all.
Like the foodchain occurring in the nature, at every layer, the members seek to protect themselves from those above them, and further their survival/ interests, by defense, or diplomacy, quid pro quo, or whatever possible measure. And they find the satisfaction/ pleasure of a similar relationship (roles reversed), with the layer(s) below them. What they lose out in one relationship, gets compensated in another. After all, man’s desire for power, control, and resources is universal and an intrinsic part of being an animate creature- with survival as its ultimate goal.
What does amuse me though (just as it does in the real food chain) – how easily we can switch between two completely opposite roles in our everyday lives: From being the ruthless, (power) hungry predator, to the cowering, pitiful prey.
The boss who, because of a bad mood from home, or having had an earful from his own manager, may vent his anger at his junior – by disregarding the latter’s personal or professional dignity, very often, justified only in terms of the advantage accrued to him in the power equation. The junior, indignant at being unduly exploited in his position of limitation, comes out with a bad mood and unloads his burden of the ire on anyone and everyone who is below him in the chain (For someone really junior, it could even be the zero-watt-power office boy, who has not served tea in time or breathed too loudly for the junior’s comfort)
At each level, a person feels wronged and decries the unjust violation of all principles of decent human behavior of those up above, and then to soothe his own bruised ego, replicates the model downwards- without batting an eyelid.
Reminds me of the amusing story they tell about the man who gets bitten by a dog his way to work one morning. It so happens that the man’s boss yells at him, the man comes home and yells at his son, the son, having no one to yell at..goes out and kicks at a dog to vent his frustration. The Dog does his *bit* the following day :-)
The Food chain behavior however, becomes, all the more annoying when simple manners get sacrificed at the altar of chained-behaviour. Words like “thank you”, “please”, “sorry”, “excuse me”, or even expressions/ body language, indicating such sentiments are used downwards not as frequently as upwards, or as the norms of civil behavior would call for. So, if a junior officer hands over something to useful you when asked, your mind does not signal, “hey.. that’s helpful.. and deserves a look of praise/thanks” .. but, “okay.. that’s what they’re supposed to do.” – or at best, “good ..they’ve done it”. But, get similar work done from any one above you and the first thoughts/ expressions are those of gratitude, acknowledgment, and even (arrgh ..i tell you) .. indebtedness.
There was a phase as back as in my school days, when I had discovered this unpleasant fact about human behavior. Depending on which level of the food chain you come from- in that moment/ context, your behavior gets interpreted and is treated in completely different fashions. For something as simple as:
Being “nice/ polite” to another fellow human in some situation: If you are a Top-er in the FC, and nice to someone below you, you are humble, munificent, kind and all things divine. If you are an FC peer, then you are merely a “decent” one, if you are a bottom-er vis-à-vis someone, then you are meek/weak/with little alternative options of behavior to the someone- Niceness is not considered a virtue but a default necessity.
Being unhelpful/ rude/ impolite to a fellow human: If you are a Top-er, well, that’s a given. Anyone below you, if they cannot avoid it from you, most would accept it as “normal” as how things are supposed to be. A peer would give it back to you or refuse to take it from you- may the best man win. If you are a bottom-er, god save you (though you donot seem to have access to divine resources/ benefits either..so don’t count on that!). A bottom-er’s bad mood/ flare-up/ tantrum is not entertained anywhere- not even by fellow bottomers. You are scum of the earth, behaving way beyond your station, and you get it back – worse than you gave it. You also risk being thrown out of the pyramid entirely. The struggle for survival ending with the elimination of the necessity of survival.
Consequently, many Top-ers (the un-initiated ones in the FC system/ society) are often advised to make a bold and explicit communication of their position in the FC vis-à-vis others, by behavior typical of that level just so that they get the “right” kind of treatment.
(Sample pieces of advice: “ Whyy are YOU calling THAT one ‘Sir’.. he is just a So-and-so here!” or “You don’t have to ASK for it like a request.. just TELL them you want this in such-and-such way or else”). Need I mention the most famous verbal qualification/badge any non-bottom-er worth his worthless bottom, carries around in India : “Do you know who I *AM*…I am so and so’s son’s-friend’s-dog’s-nephew’s-master’s-sister’s-bloody brother!”
For good or for bad, this system becomes self-reinforcing. Hence, a top-er not being “predatory” enough may be seen as a ‘soft touch’ – more suitable of being further down in the FC. Even those below him, thanks to the conditioning of behavior, will respond inadequately unless they see some fitting (predatory) behavior downwards – which now becomes their only trigger for appropriate action. Even someone starting in the top, with a clean slate in mind, after some induction, tends to fall in line with the rules of the system (which is often stronger than the strongest individual)- for predation does seem to get better response. And this vicious, self-sustaining cycle goes on- at each level.
Well, it seems that this is how nature designed he world though. And who are we to argue with nature’s big plan. Right? The model does seem to have survived very well for so long.
Footnote: As usual, all my you’s were conversational and not an accusation at the reader really, and all my thoughts/ observations – which may seem based on an extreme model of behavior/ thought, were mostly just that of course. Net-net, everything does balance itself out in this world- and for good.
Psst.. Have updated my about me to explain the rechristening of the blog.
Best,
The Kwibbler
